Mayhap ....

"Mayhap", an old English word from the mid 16th century summing up in one word the phrase, "it may hap" or "may it hap" (happen).  What better time to drag out this word and dust it off than on this Victoria Day weekend? (For those not familiar this is a Canadian celebration of Queen Victoria's birthday, May 24, 1819.)

This long weekend also officially welcomes in gardening season, prior to mid-May there is often the threat of frost and so gardeners are usually advised to hold off until the May long weekend to plant.  So it was that yesterday I found myself weeding, edging and generally puttering around my gardens filled with the hope that this will be the year I manage to keep abreast of the weeds and work that will let my flower beds reach their full and beautiful potential.

Forget-Me-Knots - a virtual carpet at the back of  my garden at this time of year

lush foliage and contrasting colours

I envision gently working in the newness of summer mornings easily eliminating a few unwelcome weeds, surrounded by glorious colours, dew tipped foliage and birdsong.  Yes, this will be the year for my romantic garden vision to come to life.  Because, unlike every previous summers when I suddenly found myself knee high in weeds in the sweltering mid-day heat of August surrounded by spiders so large they threaten to carry off my garden spade and flying inspects attacking my neck and ears, this summer I will have my act together, mayhap!!

Bleeding Heart - a gift from my father's garden

What do I base this hope on? Pure whimsy, wishful thinking and day dreams coupled with home decor magazine images of manicured properties, but that is fine because gardens like life don't have to be ideal and perfect to be appreciated and enjoyed.  I can side step the giant spiders and swat at the pesky insects, I can machete my way through the neglected bits of garden until I reclaim them.  I can shuffle plants from sun to shade as I encourage them to thrive and finally I can sit on the stoop with a cup of tea and admire my garden and the garden of my life for all of its beauty and colour, for its raggedy not-so-perfectness and its wild unpredictability.  I can continue to hope and work towards my full and beautiful potential and like my English ancestors I can proclaim that all is well with my soil and well with my soul.  Mayhap!

Thank you for visiting today at My Turquoise Kettle Life.

May all you plant blossom,

Sandra

Emotional Contaminants - An Ounce of Prevention

Since in my previous post I've committed May to be my "may I ..." month, I'm going to post weekly in an effort to keep myself accountable.

The month of April was frustrating on the health front, not in any big way, just small annoyances.  But I can trace it back now to a single event.  If you think I'm off my rocker with this post, that's just fine, I'm going to share my thoughts regardless.

I met a work colleague for a coffee.  She's a lovely woman.  In the space of 90 minutes however she had told me about 15 years worth of negative things that had happened to her, her husband (a former employee of our employer) and others at the hands of our corporation.  I found during our coffee time that I wasn't even able to lean in to the conversation, I physically found myself sitting way back in my chair.

Now I know no one and no organization is perfect, but I had considered our company to be the nicest, most  responsible employer I have worked for to date.  I believed that my ideals lined up with theirs.  I am respected and treated very, very well.  Now I felt afraid.  I began thinking that I better be very careful, I better keep quiet, keep any suggestions, observations to myself.

I got home, I couldn't digest this information.  I ate a cracker, I choked on it, it got lodged in my throat.  I got it down but my throat hurt.  For a week I kept trying to peer down my throat.  I guess gaping down my throat so often (mouth ajar way more than normal, lol) I caught a bug, I got a sore throat, it turned into real laryngitis.  I had no voice. I felt anxious.  I got congested, developed a cold, it turned into a sinus infection, my eyes got infected.

Its almost comical isn't it?  Except it wasn't for me.  Not at the time. But when I traced it back to my coffee date it began to make sense.

 I am an adherent to the metaphysical belief about thoughts and energy affecting my health.  When I developed the laryngitis I looked up in my Louis Hay book, "Heal Your Body" the possible causes of laryngitis : "So mad you can't speak.  Fear of speaking up.  Resentment of authority."
Oh my goodness!!!  That was me exactly.  I was angry to hear that anyone may have been mistreated, afraid to speak up with new ideas of suggestions, and felt a fear of the authority of my employer!  Basically my body became blocked, nothing flowed, blocked voice, nose, sinuses.  I went to the clinic, and I began to heal.

Life is lovely when it flows from a place of trust

This weekend I felt really drawn to my prayer time, it was intense and wonderful and yes, there were tears (these are neither happy nor sad tears - they are just prayer-tears to me)  All the prayers and tears seemed to unblock something emotionally, spiritually and even physically (my sinuses!).  And then a funny thing happened, things flowed again.  My mood, my energy level, my thoughts.  I was able to spend time with people whom I love, fun activities presented themselves, shopping with my sister we discovered those perfect finds, even a wonderful creative opportunity arrived in my e-mail last night.

My take-away.  Be very careful what you expose yourself to.  What will I do if I find myself in that situation again?  I won't binge eat crackers!  I think I will try to find a quiet place and take some time to acknowledge what happened, to identify what about the encounter/situation upsets me, why am I feeling frightened, sad, anxious and remember that while a situation may require action it does not require me to be contaminated by other people's fears, anger.  I can throw a life preserver from the side of their cesspool, I don't have to jump in.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have a lovely day,

Sandra

In Her Own Words

In my last post I mentioned some of the accomplishments that my eldest daughter Shannon had recently achieved.

As a youngster Shannon was headstrong and stubborn, determined to do things her own way.  In her early twenties she would work two and sometimes three jobs to support herself.  She partied, had begun smoking and worked hard and like many people, didn't  really care that she was burning the candle at both ends. Her eating habits were a dietitian's nightmare. Over the years she had gained a lot of weight and while her job required lots of walking, she had a very poor level of fitness.

This evening she is the guest speaker at The Runner's Room in Mississauga for the Learn to Run Clinic to inspire and motivate new members.

Here is her story in her own words:

I work a pretty high-stress job for a freight railway.  I am one of only two female Track Supervisors in Canada.  I manage a large group of employees to construct new railway infrastructure as well as clean up after derailments.  I'm on call for emergencies 24/7 and can be dispatched to parts unknown for as long as it takes to get the railway tracks operational again.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and by 2015 I was told to forget about losing any of the extra 80 pound I was carrying around, the doctor said you will always be this weight.  In 2013 I was diagnosed with celiac disease another chronic condition that left me feeling defeated. 

Up until the last 12 months my diet consisted of cheese, breads, pasta and potatoes (preferably chips or fries), multiple coffees and a half pack of cigarettes a day.
Had you asked me about motivation, at that point in my life I would have replied that I was motivated to deliver 110% at work and then fall onto the sofa at the end of a long day with a bowl of chips.

In 2015 on a vacation in Africa I met a fellow traveler from London, England named Bhavini.  She suggested that we should do another tour together, perhaps to Peru to hike the Lares Trek.  I have no idea how she ever thought that at 80 pounds overweight, and a smoker, that I would be able to hike in the thin air (4,500 in altitude) of Peru. 

 I guess I like a challenge, so in preparation for the trip I quit smoking.  My boyfriend and I would go for walks and I remember the first time I said I was going to run to the corner.  I barely made it the 200 feet, I was out of breath.  My aunt had joined the Learn to Run clinic with the Running Room in Montreal and encouraged me to do likewise.  In May 2016 I joined the Learn to Run Clinic.

Learn to Run Clinic - Shannon's on the left in black

I honestly was so thankful when some of the other women in my clinic seemed to struggle as I did, it was a place that was safe and accepting of my level of fitness.  My instructors Praveen and Monika were fun and encouraging.  When I joined the Learn to Run clinic I started to look after the way I ate a little better as I learned that the way I ate affected how I felt during a run.  

Success in Peru

Well that was seven months ago I quit smoking, completed the hike in Peru and while some thought I would ago back to my bad habits, quite the opposite,  last week I hit my goal weight having lost 76 pounds, I  increased my stamina for running, and this year when Bhavini suggested we run a 10K together in London, England I didn't hesitate..... Race day is July 9th and my flight is booked.!"

Well done Shannon,
xo
Mom

Thank you for stopping by my Turquoise Kettle Life Today.

May you have an inspired day,

Sandra

My New Website

2012 has been a very busy and creative year.  One of the exciting undertakings has been developing my own website.  This site showcases most of my recent paintings under the heading Gallery and from which you may select various categories; abstract, landscape and so on.

The site is also a good way to find out about upcoming exhibits, workshops etc. under the heading Events.

To visit my website just click the link below.  You can also find your way there by clicking Gallery near the top of this blog page.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

http://sandrakingallikas.com/

Painting...Silencing the Inner Critic

I don't mind a little constructive criticism, a friendly suggestion here and there, or a helpful hint along the way.  But if you are like me a harsh word from a hovering critic can be frustrating and intimidating.  Not surprisingly some of the most discouraging criticism I've received has been from my own inner critic. 

Negative inner dialogue can be especially destructive to the creative process.  Today, as I set about to work in the painting studio I wanted to try a slightly different painting style.  I knew that before long I'd hear the familiar voice of my inner critic negatively commenting on my work. 

To counter her acidic observations and questions I simply proclaimed today's studio time as a play day  and not a work day.  "I'm just having some fun.", "Yes it's silly but today its about the process and not the product."  "I am creating these painting for my own pleasure, no one else has to approve of them."

Finally she gave up and let me have my fun.  Here are the results of today's play day:

"Dream" 16"x20" Mixed Media



Detail of "Dream"

"Happy" 16" x 20" Mixed Media

Detail of "Happy"

What would you dare to try if you could silence your inner critic for a while?  Try giving yourself permission to just goof around a little, have some fun, even look silly.  That might send your critic packing, at least for a little while.

Thanks for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you time to have a little fun today,

Sandra

Lack of Self-Assurance - An Obstacle to Simplicity?

In my last post I wrote about how much I was enjoying Richard J. Foster's book, Freedom of Simplicity .Now that I have finished the book I am revisiting some of the ideas he presented and mulling them over.



One of the ideas that I caught my attention was that of self-assurance or as Mr. Foster writes "being comfortable in our own skin" and how a lack of self-assurance is a foundational hindrance to living simply. In my own way I touched on this subject in my post Thinking My Way to Simple Living.



When I accept myself as I am, when I am comfortable in solitude and stillness, when I recognize that my natural unadorned self is sufficient, when I have made peace with my past and have faith and trust about tomorrow, then I can come to the place where simplicity is my most natural response.

If however, I feel shame about who I am, my thoughts, my habits, my body, my past, if I feel that I need to compensate for what I am lacking, then true simplicity will be truly elusive. For when I struggle with these issues my natural response may be to hide, adorn, over-consume, pretend, seek prestige, create illusions or hoard.



All of the time, money and energy I spend on maintaining an "acceptable" self keeps me enslaved to the life I have created to protect and project my image both inward and outward; how exhausting, how unsatisfying and how unnecessary.



When I understand that my flaws, imperfections and material possessions do not define me, or even really limit me (God loves to use the weak and insignificant) then I am free from having to hide behind a false self. And that freedom can result in a life of genuine simplicity. If I don't need to impress you with what I drive or what I wear, then I have the freedom to use my time, energy and money to be a conduit for something positive, for sharing my talents, for helping others, for creating a life that is simply amazing and amazing in its simplicity; a life that leaves me feeling comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Wishing you an amazing day,

Sandra

In Pursuit of Passion and Purpose

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to accompany my daughter, Samantha, on an Eat Play Love puppy delivery (Eat Play Love Animal Rescue) out to the West Island of Montreal.  I was commenting on how happy I was for her that she had found her passion in rescuing abandoned dogs and cats and finding homes for them.

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Here are a few of the rescue's adoptable cats.  All are vaccinated, dewormed, sterilized and looking for their forever families.

         "Minuit" - Charcoal Domestic Long Hair

"Max" - Adoptable Brown & Orange Tabby

"Tiger" - Marbled Brown Tabby

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I've read a lot  about finding one's passion and purpose in life.  I've done workshops, online questionnaires, read countless articles and many books, listened to sermons, visited websites all aimed at helping people to determine what their passion and purpose might be. And still I sometimes wonder if I'm living my passion and fulfilling my purpose.

My daughter suggested that my passion/purpose maybe painting and being creative.  I agreed that I love those pursuits, but that everything I've read suggests that your passion must also be of service to people.  We were quiet for a bit.  I added that the only thing that I feel really strongly about and even frustrated over is how many people spend their lives running after things that don't matter and that in the end won't make them happy or fulfilled even if they achieved or acquired them.  I find it sad that so many have swallowed up the media's message that what they have or what they do isn't sufficient.  They don't realize that what already is, is enough.

And that's when Sam turned and gave me a little smile, "Why don't you take your own advice then?" 

"How? What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you are looking for something more, your passion, that you think you should be pursuing, just like the people you want to help are chasing after bigger vacations, televisions, homes and gadgets." 

Her comment really brought me to a halt. So unexpected was this insight that I actually asked her to repeat it to me a couple of times before I could fully absorb it. 

"So, what you're saying is that maybe I should continue to write my blog, sharing both my victories and failures at living more simply and authentically." 

"Yeah, and maybe you should write about this conversation." she said.

Thank you Sam, consider it done.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you find that what you have is enough today,

Sandra

Quiet Corners

In this world without quiet corners, there can be no easy escape from history, from hullabaloo, from terrible, unquiet fuss.

Salman Rushdie



Does this quotation ring true to you? How challenging it can be to find your quiet corner of the world. Interestingly he says there is no "easy" escape, inferring that there is a way to escape the hullabaloo of the world but you may have to put some effort in to find or create it for yourself.

"Ah, finally.  My Quiet Corner"

When my daughters were little and I was working full time I had a short commute to work by car. Many mornings were a blur of lunches, school bags, arguments and often tears as I rush rush rushed my girls out the door. Sometimes as I strapped them into the car their little hands were still clutching pieces of toast that they hadn't had time to finish eating.

"What am I doing wrong??"

Once they were both safely delivered to their respective school/daycare the car became my quiet corner on wheels. After a difficult morning I would often cry, "What am I doing wrong God?" I would be filled with remorse for having been impatient or cranky with the girls. I'd vow to do better tomorrow. Often the commute was also where I could catch my breath before my work day began. I avoided using the radio and tried to use the time to be quiet, to pray and to listen. Sometimes on my lunch hour I would escape to my car again and listen to a radio program, "In Touch Ministries". I'd eat my lunch there listening to God's message of love and his promise of hope. Just that little 30 minutes of stillness and escape from the fuss of the office fed my body, mind and spirit.




These days I find it beneficial to escape into the quiet corner of my home office early in the morning. It centers me and connects my spirit to the Divine. Lately God has been reminding me that he is quite capable of handling everything and that he doesn't require my help to control situations or people. I don't need to fix everything or have all the answers or be the one doing all the doing. It’s a lesson I've learned before, but it seems that I'm on a refresher course.

"Excuse me, I'm going to my quiet corner."

Having a quiet corner is like having a good place to study; a place that is quiet where interruptions are unlikely and where my mind and spirit are freed to absorb the lesson of the day.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

May you find your quiet corner today,

Sandra

Leaving the workplace - beyond the fear

I’ve written recently about  re-thinking work , about my desire to live a life where my work is my art in all of its various expressions.  This is the big dream.  For the past dozen years I have worked part time, the past six years as a substitute teacher in a small high school. 

The beauty of substituting is that the schedule is usually flexible, there isn’t any work in the summer and the pay is quite good.  Well intentioned people have pointed out that “not everyone gets to do what they want.” This is true, thank you for pointing that out to me.  So what’s my problem?  Why don’t I grow up and work a few days a week, and be "creative"  the rest of the time?  Good point; and one I’ve struggled with over the past year and especially over the past few months.

If anything has become clear it is that fear has kept me with one foot in the classroom and one foot in the studio; fear of being (or being perceived as) selfish, a failure, broke, lazy – all the usual culprits that creative people struggle with. 

Today I finally pushed past the fear and contacted my vice-principal and asked her to remove my name from the list of available substitute teachers.  After I hung up everything was very quiet; I noticed the quiet in my home, the quiet outside, but especially the quiet in my mind and in my body.  I stood at my kitchen window looking out at my garden for a long time. 

What I am feeling is simply wonderful; a very big sigh, a very deep and peaceful breath.  I am deeply grateful and completely excited about what comes next.  

Thank you for checking out My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Have a simply wonderful day,

Sandra

Reduce Speed in Fog - Rethinking Work

In my post of last Sunday, entitled Lake House , I wrote how I was using the week to "chart a course" for September to really try to get clear about what direction I want to go in. I guess you could say I was in a bit of a fog. I was conflicted over my heart's true desires and what I thought I should do.

The fog can be a frightening place. If you've ever run into heavy fog while driving you know how it can appear unexpectedly out of nowhere, envelope you and force you to slow down. You strain to see the lines on the road unsure of what lies ahead.

I guess you could say I was in a heavy fog...I have wanted to fully commit to living the creative life for a very long time yet also felt the societal and personal pressure to "work". By "work" I mean I show up at the specified location, perform specified task and magically the specified payment appears in my chequeing account. As opposed to my creative work which actually feels more like play, which some days makes me so excited I feel an actual buzzing in my being and which of course does not result in any magical deposit to my chequing account.

But it isn't really about the money (the numbers work).  The fog was about still trying to justify taking that freedom and fully living it, making a choice that works for me (my husband believes that what works for me automatically works for him... did I mention how much I cherish him??) and not feeling guilty because so many other people work at jobs they don't like. I'm the person who is served an amazing meal but only nibbles at the edges of the delicacy because others overseas are hungry. Yes maybe I can help the hungry, but not by starving myself!

Is there anything positive about the fog? Well, yes. Fog obscures distractions, if I can't see ahead or to the sides and I can't turn around, then maybe I need to look within again. And that's when the fog began to lift, with encouragement from my husband I am ready to let go of the security of work and grab hold of the opportunity to embrace a season to create.

Interestingly, I awoke one day last week and noticed that a fog had settled over the forest surrounding the lake house. Grabbing my camera I wondered what that might look like down at the water. I actually wept at the beauty of what I saw.  My timing was divinely orchestrated... it lasted only about 15 minutes before the sun began to break through and the fog began to dissipate. Take a look for yourself.

Approaching the lake

Cottage across the lake with the moon in the sky

Already the sun is breaking through

Is it time for you to chart a new course?  Is there a dream that you've been putting off because it seems too risky, too crazy, and too selfish? There's a line that I heard when I was a teenager and all these years later it guides me when the fog closes in...."I'd rather regret something I'd done, than something that I didn't do."

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to visit My Turquoise Kettle Life.

May today be the day you choose to follow your heart,

Sandra