Life's Storms

 

Listless and tired I boil the kettle yet again and hold the steaming mug between my hands and stare outside.  The December wind protests loudly, sweeping the snow off the roof into eddies that vanish as quickly as they appeared.  It is easy to get swept along with the winds, whipped this way and that.

 I'm sensitive to getting swept away, realizing this about myself I do not own a television, or listen to the news, or engage more than I have to with negative, emotionally exhausting people.  This has taken me decades to accept about myself.  During this globally challenging season, more than ever I try to be aware and respectful of my needs and hold to my healthy habits and boundaries.

Sometimes the world is overwhelming 

 

 I look around and wonder if anyone else
feels the same way I do

 

Sometimes I just want to hide away

and close my eyes and dream instead.  
There's nothing wrong with dreaming.

Once I'm rested I can accept that
even in life's challenges there is a certain beauty to be
found and a particular wisdom
that comes with having weathered life's storms.

May you be comforted and find strength to weather any storms you may be experiencing.  

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of gentle strength,

Sandra

 

Loss

 This past August we lost my dad to cancer.  His ever present, ever helping, always smiling, loving presence slowly dwindled away to nothing and was gone.  And while he assured me that he was ready to leave this life and was sure of his destination into the next realm, it has been difficult to process, difficult to fill in the gaping void his death has left. 

Wounded butterfly 

 

For us left behind, we attempt to pick up the pieces,  hobble together the care he so lovingly lavished on our mother, while helping her to understand and adjust to her new reality.  I am deeply thankful to have my sister, daughters and niece and others to walk this path with, without them I would have been swallowed up completely.

 I am not sure if I have grieved since his death or perhaps I grieved prior to that day, with what is referred to as anticipatory grief.  Certainly the saddest moments for me were seeing him struggle to remain independent.  He was patient and optimistic up to his last day, always more concerned about others than himself, not wanting to ever be a burden.  I sometimes think that because he lived life so selflessly I was relieved for him to be free of his suffering, free of the worry about his loved ones that sometimes consumed him, free from watching my mother, the focus and devotion of his life, age and begin to fail.  

I miss my father immensely but there is a certain unexpected comfort to be had in knowing that he is truly free.  

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Tell those whom you love how much you cherish them,

Sandra 

Jumping off the Page

Journal writing has been a part of my morning routine for decades, I love everything about it and when I miss out on it, its akin to discovering there will not be tea this morning, or that I miscalculated how much dark chocolate I thought was in the pantry.  Journaling  is part of my wellness practice.

Over the past few months I had noticed that I didn't love my handwriting as much as I had, what was going on?  So I wrote in a "stream of consciousness" style this morning, which if you are not familiar with it simply means you write without editing or forethought or a plan, you empty your thoughts quickly onto the page before your ego has a chance to try to script them. Here is an excerpt from this morning's journal practice.

Fascinating, I was wondering, I was concerned that recently my handwriting was jagged and a little disconnected.  But no, that wasn't it at all, I didn't know that  my writing, my self expression needed to be allowed to expand, to extend beyond the confines of the lines.  My words wanted to inhale and expand and exhale and to breathe more freely.  So today's stream of consciousness writing is an experiment to wonder and allow.  Where does my expressed word want to move to?  How much space on the page do I desire to fill with ink and thought? How large does my writing want to be?
When I tried to restrict the size of my writing over these past few months (read: restrict myself, my truth, my essence) it became unbalanced, jagged, nothing flowed.  I hardly recognized it and the more I felt disturbed by the unfamiliar writing showing up in my journal, the more I tried to slowly and deliberately form the letters to try to recapture the beautiful penmanship I had once loved.  The more I forced, the uglier the letters became.  It was as though my mind and my hand refused to cooperate.  
But here today I see that when I allow myself space and freedom, my writing takes on a larger, swirling, delicate dance, it is creative, it is organic and it is beautiful and new.  The ink flows freely and carries my thoughts on a divine thread onto the page.  I am fascinated and I am curious. 

I have let these thoughts simmer throughout the day.  In the same way that my inner world has recently been expanding with new ideas, studies and fresh insight I think it makes perfect sense that this would show up in my penmanship.  Where I once lived neatly between the margins on the ruled page, I am no longer satisfied with squeezing myself into those expectations and routines which feel small, worn out and confining.  I will give myself the freedom to examine what I have been reluctant to let go of and ask myself "Is it time?  What and who bring me joy?  What drains and depletes?"  I'm not suggesting all the mundane and unpleasantness of  life can be flushed, there are lessons in everything, but if I can remove the confines I place on myself around certain situations....ahhh now I can breathe, move and take up a bit more space on the page of my own life.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you be free,

Sandra

Seeking Joy

We stood on the sidewalk chatting, it was evening and rain clouds were gathering.  Her life had not been easy in recent years.  "I used to be a joyful person."she confessed.  The sentence was brief but filled with a weight that seemed to land heavily on the sidewalk between us.  We were both quiet for a moment, this woman from my neighbourhood and I.  I spoke very quietly, "You've got to get your joy back." 
"I'm trying", she answered sincerely, "I'm trying".

I confided a painful situation from childhood, "Therapy helped finally" I said.  "How long?" she asked.  "Well it was rather like an onion" I explained, "I would have relief for a while, then realize there was another layer to deal with.  So, about twenty years in all."  She nodded, thoughtfully.

This left me thinking about happiness and joy. The roots of joy run deeper than happiness.  Happiness skims the surface of life ebbing and flowing with circumstances and mood. A small chirping bird that alights on the rooftop of my life, easily startled by a slight breeze, a fluttering leaf, a sudden movement and it may take flight.

Joy is the stray cat who sits in the garden waiting and watching, who finally trusts enough to rub against my ankle.  The soft and quiet one whose motor purrs at my arrival, who captures my heart and eventually moves in for good, curling up near me in the dark nights, whose meows greet me mornings to announce, "I'm here, you are here too."  This is joy.

My neighbour and I chatted a while longer but eventually the wind picked up, the sky darkened and we said goodbye.  Later, watching the rain drizzle down the windows, with a small cat perched on the back of the sofa beside me,  I whispered a prayer for her, that she would find the path to her joy - may we all.

Thank  you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of joy,

Sandra

Shrinking and Expanding

Outwardly my world (and probably yours too) has shrunk, I have less freedom and limited interactions, my days are spent at home.  What could feel like the constraint of a too small itchy wool sweater, actually feels snug and comforting, like the swaddling of a baby, safe, snug and cocooned.  While the outer parameters of my life shrink, inwardly I have time to stretch, to breathe.  I have spaces in the margins of my days.  

Prayer shawl in progress

This is no small joy.  With time to meditate regularly, to pray more deeply and to improve my yoga practice, my inner world is expanding.  There is no fixed schedule, no rushing.  Our meals are all home cooked, we've made our own bread and homemade ice cream.  We expanded a small garden for vegetables and have sewn some masks for our family members.  We have story time after breakfast most days and sometimes we nap after lunch.  There is time for ourselves for sitting and thinking and there is time for one another for listening and sharing ideas.  Last night my granddaughter taught me some dance moves and I showed her how to do the Twist to Chubby Checkers' hit song.  There is time to laugh.

One day the quarantine will end, schedules will fire up and restrictions will be watered down.  My daughter and her children will return to school, I will return to work, I will finally be able to see my daughter who lives in another province, it will be a time of rejoicing.  Those on the front lines will finally have the rest and freedom that they deserve.  May I never take for granted everything they have done to keep us safe.

Eventually the quarantine will be a memory woven into the fabric of our lives.  Do I want it to be over? Absolutely, but until then I believe there are many gifts to be discovered, unwrapped and appreciated right now that would never have been possible without these current circumstances.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May your day be filled with beautiful gifts,

Sandra

Reflection

Not too many years ago I went through a difficult season in my life when everything I thought I knew and understood about my life began to unravel.   Initially I scrambled to make sense of it and to hold on to what was familiar all the while assuring myself that I was okay with "everything".   Funny thing that human tendency to want to guard the status quo even at the expense of our core values, with a "devil you know" justification.  It was through this season of denial that I experienced a LOT of anger and fear.

Jump forward five years and I'm so grateful that I chose to release my grasp on the script I had written for my life, how it was "supposed to happen". With the wisdom of a trusted therapist, I chose instead to live according to my value of honesty over security, authenticity over appearances and the scary unknown over security... come what may.

And things did come, I got sick... really sick.  Alone in my hospital bed, too weak to walk, no appetite and sleeping endlessly I sensed God reminding me of a promise He gave me in 1997 when I first placed my faith in Jesus as my Saviour, He gave me a verse that I still cling too "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5).  If I'm honest, by that point I was too hurt, angry and sick to care about anyone's promises.  Thankfully many others were praying for me when I could not pray at all.  I was also surrounded by my AWESOME tribe (you all know who you are!).  Slowly and very gradually my health improved, the doctors had a diagnosis so we knew what we were dealing with. Yes, it is a chronic condition but my attending physician now says that I am his "miracle patient"!!!

I believe that most of my suffering years ago came as a result of holding so tenaciously to my version of  how things were "supposed" to turn out.  I'm so extremely thankful that I let go of the limited vision I had for my future and allowed God to show me His abundant plans for my life. 

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have the courage to live your truth,

Sandra

Redeemable

I spend a lot of time on my knees.

 Yes, I am a woman who prays (on my knees) but my retail job also involves a lot of bending, climbing up and down ladders, kneeling to cut lengths of carpet runners and crawling under shelving to retrieve products that have toppled over the back side of the displays.
Its not glamorous but it does keep me active and flexible.

The work means that my clothing gets put to the test.  Recently my favourite jeans developed a hole on the knee.  Hmmm... annoying, do I  get rid of them?  I debated cutting them into shorts, using the scraps for some future project or maybe salvaging them by way of getting a bit creative.  I decided to redeem them, to embroider a flower and some leaves over the tear.  I liked the results and continued the vines, flowers, eventually little hearts up the leg of the jeans.

I'm happy with the results.  I'm also reminded that when I have personally felt worn out and torn apart by some circumstance which is beyond my control, over extending myself or at times the result of my own lack of wisdom;  God never sees me as a lost cause.  He knows my limits, when I come unraveled and when I want to give up.  But He never puts me in the throw away pile.  He comes along, picks me up and gently stitches my life circumstances together one more time... in the process creating something unique and beautiful.  We are all always redeemable... no matter what.

I hope that you sense how much you are cherished and how worthy you are of being loved regardless of whether your life seems to be intact today or tattered, tired and unraveling.  Seek out the support of those who love you unconditionally, who are gentle and supportive, pray, or feel free to  connect with me in the comments section.

Thank you for stopping by my turquoise kettle life today,
Wishing you a day of love and support

Sandra

How to cope with overwhelm

Sooner or later we are likely to be overwhelmed with that feeling that life is dealing us more than we can currently process or handle.  Like my little poodle in the photo, the path before us may seem daunting and we're leashed at the bottom of a steep upward climb.  Overwhelm might also be described as fear, fear of what lies ahead, fear that we are not capable, fear of loss or pain, fear of failure, or fear of disappointing others.

I have a quote pinned up in my office, ""Fear Not" is the response to fear, not a shaming of it.  It's an invitation to courage."
I've taken a lot of comfort in those words over the past 12 months, I find the concept very soothing - my circumstances might have me feeling helpless and overwhelmed but the idea that I can use my situation to help me develop into a more courageous woman, well, that puts a different spin on things. It becomes an opportunity to practice being stronger and more courageous (practice being the key word).

"... Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

I am not by nature courageous or strong, in the past I have suffered from debilitating anxiety.  I have come to realize though that no amount of fretting on my part has ever changed ANYTHING.  What I have found that works is soothing my racing mind and prayer.

To sooth my overactive mind, I will do one or more of the following: write out my thoughts in a journal, call my sister (my voice of reason and logic), listen to soothing music, do a bit of yoga, take a walk, cuddle my dog, have a good long cry (to relieve tension), do something nice for someone else, drink tea and get enough sleep.  I also recall  the times in the past that God has carried me through trials in amazing ways, I thank Him and ask for His guidance and help yet again.

I hope you are not feeling discouraged or overwhelmed today but if you are take heart, you are not alone, reach out to those whom you trust and love and know you are stronger and more courageous than you might feel or believe.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life,

Wishing you peace of mind,

Sandra

I'm Home

In so many ways I think that I've always been searching for home.  As a little girl I would often imagine that my bedroom closet, which was narrow and very deep, was my home.  Behind the row of hanging dresses and blouses I created a cozy, secluded nest for myself where I could draw and dream.  One of my favourite things to draw where cross-sections of ant homes with their narrow tunnels leading to an ant kitchen, bedroom and playroom.  I could visualize how safe and secure an ant might be tucked away underground in her little refuge.

As I outgrew the limited space of my closet, my bedroom became my haven.  My mother gave me the freedom to decorate as I chose, allowing me to choose paint and wallpaper.  I went through a phase where I Mod-Podged newspaper onto all the accessories of my room and another where I painted a full wall mural of a tree and a hippie (I know, I know!!).

I loved the security of my room.  Behind the closed door.  I could relax, I could think, I could sit and listen to the crackly songs from a tiny grey transistor radio.  As a teenager I could take my inevitably cranky self away from the concerned faces of my parents and be miserable and vent onto the few lines offered in a fabric covered lockable diary.

I wonder now if I was drawn to study interior design less as creative expression and more as a longing to create a home. Forty years later I think, yes, that was always it.  I've longed for the safety, security, freedom and relaxation of being truly home.  And I've wanted to help others find it too.

A quiet corner for crochet

 I've been married, married with children, single with children, married with children and other people's children and now I live alone.  In every case I've longed to create a home, a refuge for myself and my family.  I've painted and fixed up and sewn curtains and chosen furnishings.

 But I'm realizing more and more that while I craved a refuge from the world I also craved a refuge from those I lived with.  I need a lot of solitude to offset the effects of being surrounded by others, even those I love.  A few years ago I wrote a post about work."leaving the work place".  Now I realize it was never work itself that was the issue, it was that working meant I lacked solitude, I was surrounded at work and at home, there was simply no possible way to have enough time alone. I felt trapped and not working afforded me a way to be alone while my family left for the day.

This explains, I think, my near giddiness on mornings like this one when I wake up and notice the gauzy bedroom curtains lifting and falling against the morning breeze, how the predawn lightness fills my room and turns the wooden wardrobe a honey-yellow, how even the outdated blush-pink tiles of my 1963 bathroom are absolutely beautiful and perfect.  It helps me to understand why I am moved to tears, yes, actual tears with gratitude for this house, this brick and mortar building has been my home for nearly 25 years.  But at a deeper level I'm moved to tears with gratitude for this life, this single life, a life that is beautiful and (mostly) feels balanced with a mix of working and socializing and then the sheer delight of coming home to the hushed solitude, a cool refreshing oasis from the world.  A place where I am relaxed.  A place where I can be still and know, know that God has me and that I finally have a soft place to fall in a sometimes harsh and overwhelming world.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

I hope that you too find your home,

Sandra

Mayhap ....

"Mayhap", an old English word from the mid 16th century summing up in one word the phrase, "it may hap" or "may it hap" (happen).  What better time to drag out this word and dust it off than on this Victoria Day weekend? (For those not familiar this is a Canadian celebration of Queen Victoria's birthday, May 24, 1819.)

This long weekend also officially welcomes in gardening season, prior to mid-May there is often the threat of frost and so gardeners are usually advised to hold off until the May long weekend to plant.  So it was that yesterday I found myself weeding, edging and generally puttering around my gardens filled with the hope that this will be the year I manage to keep abreast of the weeds and work that will let my flower beds reach their full and beautiful potential.

Forget-Me-Knots - a virtual carpet at the back of  my garden at this time of year

lush foliage and contrasting colours

I envision gently working in the newness of summer mornings easily eliminating a few unwelcome weeds, surrounded by glorious colours, dew tipped foliage and birdsong.  Yes, this will be the year for my romantic garden vision to come to life.  Because, unlike every previous summers when I suddenly found myself knee high in weeds in the sweltering mid-day heat of August surrounded by spiders so large they threaten to carry off my garden spade and flying inspects attacking my neck and ears, this summer I will have my act together, mayhap!!

Bleeding Heart - a gift from my father's garden

What do I base this hope on? Pure whimsy, wishful thinking and day dreams coupled with home decor magazine images of manicured properties, but that is fine because gardens like life don't have to be ideal and perfect to be appreciated and enjoyed.  I can side step the giant spiders and swat at the pesky insects, I can machete my way through the neglected bits of garden until I reclaim them.  I can shuffle plants from sun to shade as I encourage them to thrive and finally I can sit on the stoop with a cup of tea and admire my garden and the garden of my life for all of its beauty and colour, for its raggedy not-so-perfectness and its wild unpredictability.  I can continue to hope and work towards my full and beautiful potential and like my English ancestors I can proclaim that all is well with my soil and well with my soul.  Mayhap!

Thank you for visiting today at My Turquoise Kettle Life.

May all you plant blossom,

Sandra

Emotional Contaminants - An Ounce of Prevention

Since in my previous post I've committed May to be my "may I ..." month, I'm going to post weekly in an effort to keep myself accountable.

The month of April was frustrating on the health front, not in any big way, just small annoyances.  But I can trace it back now to a single event.  If you think I'm off my rocker with this post, that's just fine, I'm going to share my thoughts regardless.

I met a work colleague for a coffee.  She's a lovely woman.  In the space of 90 minutes however she had told me about 15 years worth of negative things that had happened to her, her husband (a former employee of our employer) and others at the hands of our corporation.  I found during our coffee time that I wasn't even able to lean in to the conversation, I physically found myself sitting way back in my chair.

Now I know no one and no organization is perfect, but I had considered our company to be the nicest, most  responsible employer I have worked for to date.  I believed that my ideals lined up with theirs.  I am respected and treated very, very well.  Now I felt afraid.  I began thinking that I better be very careful, I better keep quiet, keep any suggestions, observations to myself.

I got home, I couldn't digest this information.  I ate a cracker, I choked on it, it got lodged in my throat.  I got it down but my throat hurt.  For a week I kept trying to peer down my throat.  I guess gaping down my throat so often (mouth ajar way more than normal, lol) I caught a bug, I got a sore throat, it turned into real laryngitis.  I had no voice. I felt anxious.  I got congested, developed a cold, it turned into a sinus infection, my eyes got infected.

Its almost comical isn't it?  Except it wasn't for me.  Not at the time. But when I traced it back to my coffee date it began to make sense.

 I am an adherent to the metaphysical belief about thoughts and energy affecting my health.  When I developed the laryngitis I looked up in my Louis Hay book, "Heal Your Body" the possible causes of laryngitis : "So mad you can't speak.  Fear of speaking up.  Resentment of authority."
Oh my goodness!!!  That was me exactly.  I was angry to hear that anyone may have been mistreated, afraid to speak up with new ideas of suggestions, and felt a fear of the authority of my employer!  Basically my body became blocked, nothing flowed, blocked voice, nose, sinuses.  I went to the clinic, and I began to heal.

Life is lovely when it flows from a place of trust

This weekend I felt really drawn to my prayer time, it was intense and wonderful and yes, there were tears (these are neither happy nor sad tears - they are just prayer-tears to me)  All the prayers and tears seemed to unblock something emotionally, spiritually and even physically (my sinuses!).  And then a funny thing happened, things flowed again.  My mood, my energy level, my thoughts.  I was able to spend time with people whom I love, fun activities presented themselves, shopping with my sister we discovered those perfect finds, even a wonderful creative opportunity arrived in my e-mail last night.

My take-away.  Be very careful what you expose yourself to.  What will I do if I find myself in that situation again?  I won't binge eat crackers!  I think I will try to find a quiet place and take some time to acknowledge what happened, to identify what about the encounter/situation upsets me, why am I feeling frightened, sad, anxious and remember that while a situation may require action it does not require me to be contaminated by other people's fears, anger.  I can throw a life preserver from the side of their cesspool, I don't have to jump in.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have a lovely day,

Sandra

New Beginnings

I love a new beginning.  A new week, month, even each new page in my journal seems to hold so much promise.  I like the idea that anything is possible if I can just get a fresh start.  The problem with fresh starts is that they don't actually begin on my calendar or on a new piece of paper.  The challenge is that a clean slate begins in my mind, with my thoughts and there lies the difficulty for me.

My mind, perhaps like yours, refuses to acknowledge that I've decided to begin a new page and it sweeps in like a mighty gust of wind and flips back to the previous chapter or even the one before that.  It takes out its  fluorescent hi-liter and underlines all the failures, flaws and fears that I am determined to whiteout in my "new me" sequel.  And if the written words were not damaging enough, my mind holds up those pictures on the previous pages reminding me of my "less than" self.  The self that bought two boxes of chocolate covered raisins (one each for the next two days) and ate both before the key was even in the ignition of the car.  The self that wants to become a strong flexible yogi, then attends only the meditation and and rejuvenation yoga classes which involve mostly lying flat on the mat.  The self that wants to be the best Nana to her grandchildren but feels too exhausted by the end of the week to take them overnight..... ugh  The self that was determined to age gracefully, with acceptance and inner beauty and who winces at the washed out self that stares back at me in the mirror some days.

Okay these are not criminal activities, they are not mean spirited or hurtful to anyone, well anyone except myself.  But I do long to learn the previous lessons and then run them through the paper shredder.  I long to look ahead without my mind yanking me back to yesterday or freaking me out about tomorrow.

Has my daily 12 minute meditation helped? Yes.  Does the yoga help? Yes, and yet I still struggle.  Struggle to be the version of myself I long to be.  Struggle to balance my longings with my real self.  Struggle to be the kind of mom, nana, sister, aunt, daughter, cousin and friend I want to be.

So it's the first week of May, a new month and a new season.  I am going to consider May my may month;
may I try again, may I be more disciplined, may I leave yesterday behind, may I choose wisely how I live,
may I use my time and gifts to bring joy, above all may I be loving.

Thank you for stopping in today at My Turquoise Kettle Life.

May your day be special,

Sandra

In Her Own Words

In my last post I mentioned some of the accomplishments that my eldest daughter Shannon had recently achieved.

As a youngster Shannon was headstrong and stubborn, determined to do things her own way.  In her early twenties she would work two and sometimes three jobs to support herself.  She partied, had begun smoking and worked hard and like many people, didn't  really care that she was burning the candle at both ends. Her eating habits were a dietitian's nightmare. Over the years she had gained a lot of weight and while her job required lots of walking, she had a very poor level of fitness.

This evening she is the guest speaker at The Runner's Room in Mississauga for the Learn to Run Clinic to inspire and motivate new members.

Here is her story in her own words:

I work a pretty high-stress job for a freight railway.  I am one of only two female Track Supervisors in Canada.  I manage a large group of employees to construct new railway infrastructure as well as clean up after derailments.  I'm on call for emergencies 24/7 and can be dispatched to parts unknown for as long as it takes to get the railway tracks operational again.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and by 2015 I was told to forget about losing any of the extra 80 pound I was carrying around, the doctor said you will always be this weight.  In 2013 I was diagnosed with celiac disease another chronic condition that left me feeling defeated. 

Up until the last 12 months my diet consisted of cheese, breads, pasta and potatoes (preferably chips or fries), multiple coffees and a half pack of cigarettes a day.
Had you asked me about motivation, at that point in my life I would have replied that I was motivated to deliver 110% at work and then fall onto the sofa at the end of a long day with a bowl of chips.

In 2015 on a vacation in Africa I met a fellow traveler from London, England named Bhavini.  She suggested that we should do another tour together, perhaps to Peru to hike the Lares Trek.  I have no idea how she ever thought that at 80 pounds overweight, and a smoker, that I would be able to hike in the thin air (4,500 in altitude) of Peru. 

 I guess I like a challenge, so in preparation for the trip I quit smoking.  My boyfriend and I would go for walks and I remember the first time I said I was going to run to the corner.  I barely made it the 200 feet, I was out of breath.  My aunt had joined the Learn to Run clinic with the Running Room in Montreal and encouraged me to do likewise.  In May 2016 I joined the Learn to Run Clinic.

Learn to Run Clinic - Shannon's on the left in black

I honestly was so thankful when some of the other women in my clinic seemed to struggle as I did, it was a place that was safe and accepting of my level of fitness.  My instructors Praveen and Monika were fun and encouraging.  When I joined the Learn to Run clinic I started to look after the way I ate a little better as I learned that the way I ate affected how I felt during a run.  

Success in Peru

Well that was seven months ago I quit smoking, completed the hike in Peru and while some thought I would ago back to my bad habits, quite the opposite,  last week I hit my goal weight having lost 76 pounds, I  increased my stamina for running, and this year when Bhavini suggested we run a 10K together in London, England I didn't hesitate..... Race day is July 9th and my flight is booked.!"

Well done Shannon,
xo
Mom

Thank you for stopping by my Turquoise Kettle Life Today.

May you have an inspired day,

Sandra

Inspiration & Life Lessons

Inspiration  - 1. the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. 2. the act of drawing in, specifically the drawing of air into the lungs.

Ice with Leaf  - Sandra King

Sometimes inspiration comes from watching ordinary people achieve extraordinary goals, overcome devastating circumstances or create breathtaking beauty in the arts and in life.  Sometimes though inspiration comes from the other side of life, seeing people struggle, fail and suffer as a result of their choices, behaviours and habits ( it being a result of their choices is the key here.)

For me noticing the negative consequences of people's unwise choices generally proves much more inspiring than reading about how athletes made it to world class or someone of humble beginnings created an empire in business. I like those success stories too, I am just more motivated to action from the negative.  

Am I alone?  I've seen people ruin their lives with substance abuse, debt, ignoring their physical or emotional needs, living falsely; and every time I ask myself, "What can I learn from them? What is my take-away?"  

Because let's face it, there is always a lesson; a lesson in the wonderful and in the devastating.  Our assignment is to find the lesson, the golden nugget and incorporate that truth into our own lives, to know better, to do better.  

My belief is that God doesn't waste anything, no exceptions.  Every circumstance that we experience or that we experience through the lives of another is fodder for learning, for gaining wisdom, for helping, for being transformed, for growth.  So when we experience the devastation of our own poor choices or witness negative consequences in the lives of others, let's not sink into despair or negative dialogue, instead when the initial shock passes, how much wiser to ask the questions that allow us to see the lesson and to be inspired to create positive change in our own circumstances and to encourage others.  Now that is a breath of fresh air!

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you true inspiration,

Sandra

A Place of Peace and Kindness

Let's just take a couple of minutes and do something kind for ourselves.  I was in a yoga/meditation class this morning and the instructor guided us through a meditation that allows us to access that place inside of ourselves that is always peace-filled, always calm regardless of circumstances that may be whirling about us or within us.  It went something like this:

• Sit comfortably and let your breath flow naturally 
• Choose a place within your body where you can actually feel the breath on your inhale/exhale, a place where there is no tension.
• Can you discern what colour this place is?
• Can you attach an image to this place?
• Can you attach a memory to the image?
• Keeping this imagery in mind, we can return to this peaceful place in our body when we feel stressed, it will act as a way to anchor or root ourselves to keep balanced in life's storms.

We can handle life's unpleasantness more effectively and with grace when we know how to decompress and relax.

Find a quiet place of solitude

❤

 I've mentioned in previous posts the importance of treating ourselves with love and kindness, I think it bears repeating.  The relationship I have with myself is the most important one I will ever have.  Looking after my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellness allows me to be the very best version of myself.  The challenge is that it is important but doesn't always feel urgent. I get it, others' lives, problems and drama feels more urgent and yes there are always times when we put our agendas aside to help, encourage and rescue others BUT we should have a boundary.  We shouldn't give and give until we are depleted.  How do I know when I'm running on empty?  I feel resentful.  Resentment is the red light flashing on the dashboard of my life.  I used to ignore it, now I respect it.  I pull back.  I choose one day each week that is only for me; a massage, a yoga class, a walk, a cup of tea in front of the fire, a book, a nap.  When I return refreshed I feel the joy of helping others, of listening of caring.
I hope that you too can find a quiet pocket of time and space this week to unplug from the noise of other people's lives and to listen to that still small voice within you.  After all if your inner voice doesn't merit your attention, what does?

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today,
May you have a peace filled day,
Sandra

The Regret Game

Sometimes I play the "regret game" with myself to help gain clarity.  It goes like this, "If didn't have any more time here, what would I regret not having done?" This is more of a feeling exercise than a thinking one.  Thankfully there isn't too much on that list but the one thing that came up after I went hiking with my daughter in August, was the unsatisfied longing to spend more time in nature.

Sunset - Lake St. Francis

But in order to get away in nature the way I wanted to do it (alone) meant facing the fear of being away by myself and maybe not feeling safe. My wish list included a place with cell phone reception, not too remote, where I wouldn't have to socialize, but also forest, waterfront and quiet.   I  found the perfect camping spot that was relatively close, the price was reasonable and the location perfect. For three days I was able to listen to the wind in the trees, hear the waves on the shore while I slept and no one expected anything of me, I didn't have to show up anywhere at anytime, there was nothing I had to do.  I walked through the woods, I sat on rocks along the shore, I watched gulls, geese and herons, chipmunks and squirrels.  I enjoyed gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, made a campfire, read a book, napped and took photos.

Blue Heron

Morning Campfire  

My time there was precious and I was sad to leave.  I had suspected that I was craving time in nature, but I didn't realize how much so until I was able to immerse myself in it.  I plan to incorporate activities like this more regularly into my days and weeks.
Its good to take stock every now and then of what we might be wanting and needing in our lives.  Its easy to function on autopilot and do what we have always done, to surround ourselves with the same people and noise and busyness, to feel that there isn't enough time for what we really enjoy.  Its easy to  feel that our needs and wants are secondary to those of the people around us, but they're not secondary.  This life is our one chance to live without holding back out of fear; to live without regrets.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle life.

Wishing you a day full of possibilities,

Sandra

Weariness and Pressure - A Little Relief

Its  August, humidity levels are soaring, the sun is hot and the air feels thick.  The only  refreshing time of day are those wee hours of the morning between 5:00 and 6:00 am.  In the early light, before the noise, pressure and heat of the day, the air is cool and refreshing.  The world is quiet and reverent, anything louder than a whisper feels out of place.

5:30 am August Sunrise 

Sometimes our lives feel like the heat of high noon;  a scorching sun hangs over us,  humidity closes in on us, the path we walk is void of shade.  We thirst but refreshment does not come.  We grow weary.

We've all known weariness, grief, fear and even if we are not in the midst of that weather pattern today, we will probably experience it again at some time.  What helps me is to physically get out of the house (or office, or classroom) and look up.  That's all, just look up at the sky.  Watch the clouds, or the birds or a plane moving across the blue, watch the snow fall, feel the rain on your face or the breeze against your skin.  Look how vast the sky is.  The world is so much larger than our pressing concerns.  This realization alone begins to help me  put my fears, anxieties and heartache into perspective.  The problem doesn't disappear but with perspective I can see it more clearly for what it is.  A problem that I cannot seem to escape indoors, evaporates a little out of doors,  be it in a true natural setting, or even just the sidewalk in front of my home.  I can breathe a little more deeply, it isn't all about me or my issue.  I can look outside of myself, beyond my life.

Let the vastness of the sky help to put your concerns in perspective.

If you find yourself in the heat of a pressing concern I encourage you to take yourself outside, breathe deeply, look up and watch the clouds see if you can let the breeze carry away a little bit of the heaviness in your heart.

Thank you for stopping by today at My Turquoise Kettle Life,

Wishing you a refreshing day,

Sandra

Under the Influence

Hollyhocks - (Sandra)

Recently my five year old granddaughter has been painting with me in the studio.  We've talked about landscapes, portraits and still life. She is a free-spirit and has her own ideas about most things including creativity and painting so it was interesting when we tackled a still life and her work was very reminiscent of my own style.  Not surprising; we imitate and learn.  We are influenced.

Pink flowers in a blue bowl  (SJ)

I wondered if "influe" originated with the idea of in-flow and yes that is the origin of the word ( late Middle English: from Old French or Latin, "inflow".  Originally suggesting "influx, flowing matter".) If you adhere to the belief that all life is vibrating energy flowing and moving, you can picture how influence may work, other people's ideas, beliefs, behaviours and energy flow to us and through us.

So when Jim Rohn famously said that "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.", I can see how that may be true or at least how the general idea of that may be true.  We are sponges soaking in our environment, what we see, what we hear, what we consume (both physically and emotionally).  With awareness we can always choose to reject and release any negativity that we have encountered, but how much simpler and healthier to deliberately choose, when we can, to surround ourselves with what we do want to absorb, what we do want in-flowing and influencing us.

Since I'm highly sensitive, I'm particular about what I eat, read, watch and how I care for myself.  I try to surround myself with beauty and to choose people who are uplifting and positive.  Does it mean that we don't reach out to those who are depressed, ill, hurting?  Not at all, we are meant to give and receive help, comfort and connection; it is important though to strike a balance and perhaps to off-set a particularly negative, draining encounter with a rejuvenating one.  Sometimes however, a long on-going, no-end-in-sight situation calls for extremely difficult decisions; ending the relationship, changing jobs, moving and moving-on.

We are all "under the influence" of our environments and relationships.  What or whom is influencing you? What could be tweaked to fine tune your already wonderful, happy life?  Or conversely, if life isn't flowing as you would like it to, is it time to make those difficult choices and  "flush" a negative influence down the proverbial drain?  

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a most positive day,

Sandra

Good Morning to You!

It's the first week of May, the temperature is warming and on this overcast Sunday morning there is a fine drizzle of rain.  I woke in early morning semi-darkness and with eyes still closed began to focus on the birds that chirped and sang outside my open window.

I could imagine that I was away at my favourite forest cottage, the sounds were the same and outside the trees were dark silhouettes on a grey sky. "How would I feel, what would my mood and mind-set be if this was a vacation and not a day that I was going to work at the boutique?"  I let that vision sink in and noticed that, yes, I could feel an inner shift. I felt inspired, enthused to embrace these few hours of tranquility and to pretend that I was at the cottage.

I rose and lit a candle, unfurled my yoga mat and let my body warm to the movements. A leisurely but abbreviated dog walk (Jessy hates the rain) was lovely and damp with all the scents of humid soil and  rain itself.  I had to keep reminding myself this was the cottage, it is so easy to get drawn into mindless routines.
I steeped a cup of tea in a pretty mug and wrapped myself in the beautiful prayer shawl that my  mother knit for me several years ago.  Outside on my covered balcony I settled into some comfy pillows on a big wooden Adirondack chair and sipped my steaming tea.  I was instantly rewarded when a bright red-orange cardinal stopped at the bird feeder, a moment later a big blue jay bullied him out of his spot .  The jay was  just a little too big to comfortably perch and soon gave up.  Within seconds the cardinal returned and enjoyed the rest of his breakfast.

The perfect corner for a cup of tea

I allowed my mind to wander aimlessly; such an escape is pure luxury and a beautiful way to begin the day. And while eventually I had to get down to the business of business I felt as though I benefited all day from my morning "escape".  How could you subtly shift your morning routine to indulge yourself?  Would an extra 20 minutes afford you the luxury of savouring  your morning?  A short walk?  A cycle around the neighbourhood? A more leisurely shower?  A hand written note tucked into all the lunch boxes?  What would feel special?  See if you can treat yourself to something special one morning this week, you deserve it.

Thank you for stopping at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Have a beautiful  morning,
Sandra

Thank You .....

Welcome to another new year at My Turquoise Kettle Life.  For those of you who know me or follow me, you know that 2015 was a game changer year, a difficult but wonderful year full of challenges and victories.

I cannot help but to be overwhelmed with gratitude as I reflect on the love of God and of those near and dear to me that carried me when I wasn't able to walk (both physically and emotionally).  When I was at my most broken trying to come to terms with a toxic relationship and a serious health crisis I was carried along by love that appeared in the form of family and friends encouraging me, caring for me, who sat beside me at the hospital holding my hand even while I slept, who got the medical team's attention when I was slipping away, who fed me, showed up at my door with tulips, who called and held up images of hope and a future that was bright and shiny.  Of course the amazing team of health care professionals at Montreal's Jewish General Hospital who diagnosed and healed me will always have a special place in my heart.

How do you see this past year?  Can you too create a gratitude list?  Can you point out some silver linings in those dark clouds that threatened to block out the light?

One practice that got me through the most frightening times (mostly scary medical tests) was to repeat to myself, "the perfection of the Universe is held in this moment".   I'm not sure where that phrase came from but it held me tethered to the present moment instead of allowing  my anxious mind to float away like a helium balloon on a windy day.   Its a practice I continue now with morning meditation.

Oh, I also adopted an abandoned little dog named Jessy.  Just look at her. Jessy already has this staying in the present moment thing all figured out:

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Enjoy today,
Sandra