Reflection

Not too many years ago I went through a difficult season in my life when everything I thought I knew and understood about my life began to unravel.   Initially I scrambled to make sense of it and to hold on to what was familiar all the while assuring myself that I was okay with "everything".   Funny thing that human tendency to want to guard the status quo even at the expense of our core values, with a "devil you know" justification.  It was through this season of denial that I experienced a LOT of anger and fear.

Jump forward five years and I'm so grateful that I chose to release my grasp on the script I had written for my life, how it was "supposed to happen". With the wisdom of a trusted therapist, I chose instead to live according to my value of honesty over security, authenticity over appearances and the scary unknown over security... come what may.

And things did come, I got sick... really sick.  Alone in my hospital bed, too weak to walk, no appetite and sleeping endlessly I sensed God reminding me of a promise He gave me in 1997 when I first placed my faith in Jesus as my Saviour, He gave me a verse that I still cling too "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5).  If I'm honest, by that point I was too hurt, angry and sick to care about anyone's promises.  Thankfully many others were praying for me when I could not pray at all.  I was also surrounded by my AWESOME tribe (you all know who you are!).  Slowly and very gradually my health improved, the doctors had a diagnosis so we knew what we were dealing with. Yes, it is a chronic condition but my attending physician now says that I am his "miracle patient"!!!

I believe that most of my suffering years ago came as a result of holding so tenaciously to my version of  how things were "supposed" to turn out.  I'm so extremely thankful that I let go of the limited vision I had for my future and allowed God to show me His abundant plans for my life. 

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have the courage to live your truth,

Sandra

Redeemable

I spend a lot of time on my knees.

 Yes, I am a woman who prays (on my knees) but my retail job also involves a lot of bending, climbing up and down ladders, kneeling to cut lengths of carpet runners and crawling under shelving to retrieve products that have toppled over the back side of the displays.
Its not glamorous but it does keep me active and flexible.

The work means that my clothing gets put to the test.  Recently my favourite jeans developed a hole on the knee.  Hmmm... annoying, do I  get rid of them?  I debated cutting them into shorts, using the scraps for some future project or maybe salvaging them by way of getting a bit creative.  I decided to redeem them, to embroider a flower and some leaves over the tear.  I liked the results and continued the vines, flowers, eventually little hearts up the leg of the jeans.

I'm happy with the results.  I'm also reminded that when I have personally felt worn out and torn apart by some circumstance which is beyond my control, over extending myself or at times the result of my own lack of wisdom;  God never sees me as a lost cause.  He knows my limits, when I come unraveled and when I want to give up.  But He never puts me in the throw away pile.  He comes along, picks me up and gently stitches my life circumstances together one more time... in the process creating something unique and beautiful.  We are all always redeemable... no matter what.

I hope that you sense how much you are cherished and how worthy you are of being loved regardless of whether your life seems to be intact today or tattered, tired and unraveling.  Seek out the support of those who love you unconditionally, who are gentle and supportive, pray, or feel free to  connect with me in the comments section.

Thank you for stopping by my turquoise kettle life today,
Wishing you a day of love and support

Sandra

How to cope with overwhelm

Sooner or later we are likely to be overwhelmed with that feeling that life is dealing us more than we can currently process or handle.  Like my little poodle in the photo, the path before us may seem daunting and we're leashed at the bottom of a steep upward climb.  Overwhelm might also be described as fear, fear of what lies ahead, fear that we are not capable, fear of loss or pain, fear of failure, or fear of disappointing others.

I have a quote pinned up in my office, ""Fear Not" is the response to fear, not a shaming of it.  It's an invitation to courage."
I've taken a lot of comfort in those words over the past 12 months, I find the concept very soothing - my circumstances might have me feeling helpless and overwhelmed but the idea that I can use my situation to help me develop into a more courageous woman, well, that puts a different spin on things. It becomes an opportunity to practice being stronger and more courageous (practice being the key word).

"... Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

I am not by nature courageous or strong, in the past I have suffered from debilitating anxiety.  I have come to realize though that no amount of fretting on my part has ever changed ANYTHING.  What I have found that works is soothing my racing mind and prayer.

To sooth my overactive mind, I will do one or more of the following: write out my thoughts in a journal, call my sister (my voice of reason and logic), listen to soothing music, do a bit of yoga, take a walk, cuddle my dog, have a good long cry (to relieve tension), do something nice for someone else, drink tea and get enough sleep.  I also recall  the times in the past that God has carried me through trials in amazing ways, I thank Him and ask for His guidance and help yet again.

I hope you are not feeling discouraged or overwhelmed today but if you are take heart, you are not alone, reach out to those whom you trust and love and know you are stronger and more courageous than you might feel or believe.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life,

Wishing you peace of mind,

Sandra

I'm Home

In so many ways I think that I've always been searching for home.  As a little girl I would often imagine that my bedroom closet, which was narrow and very deep, was my home.  Behind the row of hanging dresses and blouses I created a cozy, secluded nest for myself where I could draw and dream.  One of my favourite things to draw where cross-sections of ant homes with their narrow tunnels leading to an ant kitchen, bedroom and playroom.  I could visualize how safe and secure an ant might be tucked away underground in her little refuge.

As I outgrew the limited space of my closet, my bedroom became my haven.  My mother gave me the freedom to decorate as I chose, allowing me to choose paint and wallpaper.  I went through a phase where I Mod-Podged newspaper onto all the accessories of my room and another where I painted a full wall mural of a tree and a hippie (I know, I know!!).

I loved the security of my room.  Behind the closed door.  I could relax, I could think, I could sit and listen to the crackly songs from a tiny grey transistor radio.  As a teenager I could take my inevitably cranky self away from the concerned faces of my parents and be miserable and vent onto the few lines offered in a fabric covered lockable diary.

I wonder now if I was drawn to study interior design less as creative expression and more as a longing to create a home. Forty years later I think, yes, that was always it.  I've longed for the safety, security, freedom and relaxation of being truly home.  And I've wanted to help others find it too.

A quiet corner for crochet

 I've been married, married with children, single with children, married with children and other people's children and now I live alone.  In every case I've longed to create a home, a refuge for myself and my family.  I've painted and fixed up and sewn curtains and chosen furnishings.

 But I'm realizing more and more that while I craved a refuge from the world I also craved a refuge from those I lived with.  I need a lot of solitude to offset the effects of being surrounded by others, even those I love.  A few years ago I wrote a post about work."leaving the work place".  Now I realize it was never work itself that was the issue, it was that working meant I lacked solitude, I was surrounded at work and at home, there was simply no possible way to have enough time alone. I felt trapped and not working afforded me a way to be alone while my family left for the day.

This explains, I think, my near giddiness on mornings like this one when I wake up and notice the gauzy bedroom curtains lifting and falling against the morning breeze, how the predawn lightness fills my room and turns the wooden wardrobe a honey-yellow, how even the outdated blush-pink tiles of my 1963 bathroom are absolutely beautiful and perfect.  It helps me to understand why I am moved to tears, yes, actual tears with gratitude for this house, this brick and mortar building has been my home for nearly 25 years.  But at a deeper level I'm moved to tears with gratitude for this life, this single life, a life that is beautiful and (mostly) feels balanced with a mix of working and socializing and then the sheer delight of coming home to the hushed solitude, a cool refreshing oasis from the world.  A place where I am relaxed.  A place where I can be still and know, know that God has me and that I finally have a soft place to fall in a sometimes harsh and overwhelming world.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

I hope that you too find your home,

Sandra

Of Sparrows and Synchronicity

I just love the synchronicity of life, the unseen web that weaves us all together.  It leaves me in awe when my very thoughts and inward questions are answered in surprising and amazing ways.

For the past two blustery and freezing days I've refilled the bird feeder that hangs on my front balcony several times.  I've watched with amusement, from the warmth of my kitchen, as dozens of sparrows flit back and forth from shrub to feeder over and over again.  Food for birds is scare in January in Canada.

I was moved by their community dining, the way they braved the plunging temperatures and fierce winds, huddling together, taking turns at the feeder and hopping on the snow covered balcony floor looking for seeds that had fallen.

Yesterday I tried taking some photos of the sparrows (an exercise in futility) and then of the patterns their feet had made in the snow (equally unsuccessful).  I had really wanted to write a post about them, but wasn't sure what.  All I knew was that I had spent a lot of time watching them, appreciating them.

Earlier today I received an e-mail from a real estate agent I'd connected with over a year ago from Prince Edward County, Ontario.  We chatted back and forth a bit, I updated her on why I was no longer looking to relocate at this time (divorced, doing work I love now...) and I mentioned my blog which would give her an idea of what had been going on.  She wrote back saying that the last blog entry reminded her of a hymn "His Eye is on the Sparrow".  "That's weird", I thought, "sparrow?".  I wasn't familiar with the hymn so I listened to it on my phone as I watched the sparrows from the window; tears welled up as the words assured of how we are known, protected and provided for.  If you're not familiar with the reference, there is a line in the Bible that goes something like this, Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet God feeds them...Fear not therefore you are of more value than many sparrows.

We can all relate to the "winter seasons" of our lives, when the winds blow and we fear that what we need may be scarce.  How reassuring it is to be reminded that we are all connected and that what we require will be provided, sometimes in the most unusual and surprising ways!

Photo courtesy of Garden Safari

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you experience the joy of synchronicity,
Sandra

I Nearly Shut Down My Blog

I nearly shut down this blog.  Over the past 18 months my life has been turned upside down and inside out and at many times I thought that "My Turquoise Kettle Life" no longer applied, there were weeks (months) I barely recognized my life.  I've had health issues and my marriage ended.  Where is the life I described to you in my early posts?

Well, that life is not here any longer.  I can see now (with a bit of time and distance) that what has been stripped away was actually toxic for me. I used to have a lot of fears about my health, about medical tests, about food, about life in general.  But recently a freedom so contrary to the self I knew has crept in and I find myself deep in gratitude for all the events which have brought me to this place; my recent health crisis and the changes in my personal life.  Its a personal renaissance.  God is so good.  I am still regaining my health and strength; but rather than creep away I will continue to write and share about my life.  About painting and creating and now more than ever (because life necessitates) living simply.... yet in freedom and joy.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May your day be filled with joy.

Sandra

A Puddle of Peace in a Sea of Chaos

For most people, mid-December to the beginning of January is a really busy time of year.  There are a lot of good things going on as we prepare for the holidays and the new year.  But by December 26th many of us have already had too  much of a good thing: too much food, drink, entertaining, shopping, spending, cooking, cleaning, driving, visiting.  And it isn't over yet; new year's celebrations are less than a week away which may necessitate another round of the "good things" listed above.

While I have whittled away my holiday obligations and preparations to the point that I really only do what I enjoy doing, not everyone has that luxury or freedom.  Yet even I feel ready for a little time-out by this point in the festivities.

If you can manage it, this is the perfect time for a little holiday escape.  My own will involve a mini-retreat to a luxury hotel, just one night, just me.  It isn't for long, it isn't far away.  But it is a private space with a locked door, no cell phone, no lap top, no obligations.  A time to think, pray, write, plan, reflect. 

Sometimes when actually leaving hasn't been an option, I let my family know that I'm doing an in-home retreat;(usually when my husband is travelling) and that I won't be taking calls, or e-mailing.  I make sure I have everything I need on hand and try to ensure that the house is tidy and clean.  The benefit of this type of mini-retreat is that everything is here.  If I decide to paint or putz around in the garden I can; the downside is I am still in my regular home/work environment.

Whether you can retreat away from home or even just carve out a solitary afternoon to pamper yourself, the benefits will be worth the effort to arrange it. I always come back refreshed and filled with gratitude for all of the truly good things in my life.





Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a peaceful day,

Sandra

Thanksgiving as a path to Simplicity

My heart longs to live simply (at least my version of simplicity) and yet so much within me and about me threatens my journey.  My very thoughts refuse to be tamed, my eyes, my senses, my feelings crave for more, more than I need.

For me, thankfulness is a quiet path I can walk that allows me to be still and get grounded again.  It reminds me of what really matters and the abundance I already enjoy.  From this perspective I am more free to see those who are in true need of encouragement, resources and prayer. 



Sunflowers - Sandra King-Allikas

I wish I could say I live in thankfulness, unfortunately I only visit from time to time, yet every visit leaves me feeling refreshed and deeply grateful.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you find a quiet moment to walk the path of thanksgiving today,

Sandra

Women's Summer Studio 2012

This week the Women's Summer Studio was in full swing. I could not have been happier watching the women who attended creating, experimenting, sharing ideas and painting....such a beautiful collection of women and their creative expressions.

Some of the work is minutely detailed, others are bursts of wild colours and still others, deep expressions of emotion, moved me to tears. I am delighted to see new artists emerging, women who are painting for the first time and loving it. To their amazement they can paint and paint beautifully.

I've always felt that the "Art World" would have us believe the lie that only some of us can paint. They shroud the Artist in mystery attempting to create a holy reverence for this Creative Being. We are expected to hover through the gallery speaking in hushed voices ... careful... you are walking on holy ground.

Yes, creating is a holy activity but like prayer, song and dance it isn't reserved for a select few. We used to believe that we needed a high priest to speak to God on our behalf, now we know that we all have direct access to a loving, inclusive God.

Likewise the visual arts are for everyone and perhaps most especially for those who have been told they can't draw, that they aren't creative, that they have no sense of colour or composition or some such nonsense.

I am delighted and honoured to be able to watch the ideas and emotions of these painters unfurl and find expression on paper and canvas. Thank you to each of the participating artists for allowing me to be a fellow sojourner on your creative journey.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a creative day,

Sandra

Lack of Self-Assurance - An Obstacle to Simplicity?

In my last post I wrote about how much I was enjoying Richard J. Foster's book, Freedom of Simplicity .Now that I have finished the book I am revisiting some of the ideas he presented and mulling them over.



One of the ideas that I caught my attention was that of self-assurance or as Mr. Foster writes "being comfortable in our own skin" and how a lack of self-assurance is a foundational hindrance to living simply. In my own way I touched on this subject in my post Thinking My Way to Simple Living.



When I accept myself as I am, when I am comfortable in solitude and stillness, when I recognize that my natural unadorned self is sufficient, when I have made peace with my past and have faith and trust about tomorrow, then I can come to the place where simplicity is my most natural response.

If however, I feel shame about who I am, my thoughts, my habits, my body, my past, if I feel that I need to compensate for what I am lacking, then true simplicity will be truly elusive. For when I struggle with these issues my natural response may be to hide, adorn, over-consume, pretend, seek prestige, create illusions or hoard.



All of the time, money and energy I spend on maintaining an "acceptable" self keeps me enslaved to the life I have created to protect and project my image both inward and outward; how exhausting, how unsatisfying and how unnecessary.



When I understand that my flaws, imperfections and material possessions do not define me, or even really limit me (God loves to use the weak and insignificant) then I am free from having to hide behind a false self. And that freedom can result in a life of genuine simplicity. If I don't need to impress you with what I drive or what I wear, then I have the freedom to use my time, energy and money to be a conduit for something positive, for sharing my talents, for helping others, for creating a life that is simply amazing and amazing in its simplicity; a life that leaves me feeling comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Wishing you an amazing day,

Sandra

Richard J. Foster's Freedom of Simplicity

Have you ever had that most wonderful of experiences when the perfect book comes into your hands at the perfect time? It’s a blessed occasion when that happens. That is exactly how I feel about Richard J. Foster's book, Freedom of Simplicity. On a Saturday afternoon in January my husband and I had scouted out a used book store in Montreal. It had been a bitterly cold day and the warmth of the small shop was most welcomed. I wasn't in the door five minutes before this slim volume seemed to leap out at me.

I began the book last week and having had the good fortune (or so it seemed) to be bed-ridden with a bad cold over the weekend I was able to read to my heart's content. So smitten am I with Foster's presentation of the topic of simplicity, that I have been both devouring the book's pages and dreading it being finished. He deals with the subject in all of its complexity, building a strong spiritual foundation for the practice and then proceeds to provide counsel on its practical application; all the while fully sensitive and aware of the risks in dealing with the topic. He has shaken up some of my long-held notions causing me to look afresh and to question some of my practices and beliefs.

What is interesting is that I had recently committed myself to a deeper time of prayer and listening to God. I've described it to some as no longer being satisfied with a faded water-colour painting but desiring rather a full colour, vibrant work of art relationship with Jesus. Foster's book speaks to this as well as to the very practical day-to-day application of simplicity.

brightly coloured "rings" of paint from tubes of acrylic paint.

I could so relate to Foster's description of how there was a time when he pushed simplicity of life "indiscriminately" upon people until he realized that simplicity was just another "anxiety-laden burden" on people until they have known first hand God's gracious ability to provide for all their needs.

That I suppose is why some look at simplification and its natural by-product, abundant giving (of money, time, energy), as recklessness. So where does that leave us? Forever divided by a spiritual sea? I wonder. I don't have an answer but I am asking myself a lot of questions.

I haven't finished reading the book yet. It is thought provoking, challenging, exciting and perfectly timed. I love that!

If you have read this or any other of Mr. Foster's books, I'd love to know what you think.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

May you enjoy a simple day.

Sandra




   

Quiet Corners

In this world without quiet corners, there can be no easy escape from history, from hullabaloo, from terrible, unquiet fuss.

Salman Rushdie



Does this quotation ring true to you? How challenging it can be to find your quiet corner of the world. Interestingly he says there is no "easy" escape, inferring that there is a way to escape the hullabaloo of the world but you may have to put some effort in to find or create it for yourself.

"Ah, finally.  My Quiet Corner"

When my daughters were little and I was working full time I had a short commute to work by car. Many mornings were a blur of lunches, school bags, arguments and often tears as I rush rush rushed my girls out the door. Sometimes as I strapped them into the car their little hands were still clutching pieces of toast that they hadn't had time to finish eating.

"What am I doing wrong??"

Once they were both safely delivered to their respective school/daycare the car became my quiet corner on wheels. After a difficult morning I would often cry, "What am I doing wrong God?" I would be filled with remorse for having been impatient or cranky with the girls. I'd vow to do better tomorrow. Often the commute was also where I could catch my breath before my work day began. I avoided using the radio and tried to use the time to be quiet, to pray and to listen. Sometimes on my lunch hour I would escape to my car again and listen to a radio program, "In Touch Ministries". I'd eat my lunch there listening to God's message of love and his promise of hope. Just that little 30 minutes of stillness and escape from the fuss of the office fed my body, mind and spirit.




These days I find it beneficial to escape into the quiet corner of my home office early in the morning. It centers me and connects my spirit to the Divine. Lately God has been reminding me that he is quite capable of handling everything and that he doesn't require my help to control situations or people. I don't need to fix everything or have all the answers or be the one doing all the doing. It’s a lesson I've learned before, but it seems that I'm on a refresher course.

"Excuse me, I'm going to my quiet corner."

Having a quiet corner is like having a good place to study; a place that is quiet where interruptions are unlikely and where my mind and spirit are freed to absorb the lesson of the day.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

May you find your quiet corner today,

Sandra