A Life of Your Own - Why it matters that you live authentically

I wanted to share with you an excerpt that I read today from Steve Job’s  commencement address  to the Stanford University graduating class of 2005.  He spoke based on his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and encouraged his listeners.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

We are each given our own life and it is a gift.  A gift to use, enjoy and share.  How then does it happen so often that we end up giving away our lives?  Perhaps it is because we have focused on wanting to please our parents, our teachers, our friends, our pastor, our spouse, our boss.  We are so good at knowing how to meet the expectations of others, yet struggle to know what we genuinely want or need for ourselves. 

We give our lives away when we settle for imitating other people.  We throw away our authenticity when we lack a clear picture of who we are and we agree to pursue the goals that other people set for us.  We are dishonest with ourselves when we go along with the demands of the group (or the one) who think their idea of fun/success/urgency should be our idea of fun/success/urgency.  We turn our back on the gift of life when we become involved with immature people who, depending on us for their well being remain emotional infants unwilling to assume responsibility for themselves.  Rather than moving them toward maturity, our good intentions and self-sacrificing actions are poured into their bottomless pit of neediness. We forfeit our lives when we refuse to make time to meet our physical needs, when we ignore the signs that we are running on empty emotionally, and when we resist the stillness and the quiet that allows us to connect spiritually.

Find a place of stillness and quiet

We do all these things because it seems easier.  We postpone having the difficult conversations and delay making the decisions that may offend people or cause them to become angry.  Embarking on a journey to a more authentic life is daunting.  It requires silence and time.  We need to think and to filter out all the noise and rubbish that people want us to believe and buy into.  We need to establish our own true north.  We can begin by asking ourselves a few questions: What kind of person do I want to be?  What is important?  Who do I enjoy being with?  What brings me satisfaction?  What makes me feel peaceful? 

Follow your own path

With a long weekend ahead of us, maybe you can carve out a little “you time” to realign with your authentic self, finding” the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life.

Have a wonderful day,

Sandra

October, Time to Review and Renew

I love the month of October.  While there is no longer any denying that summer is over, the beauty of autumn is now in full swing; apple picking, colourful leaves, pumpkins, Thanksgiving dinner and fires in the wood stove.  I find that there is something deeply satisfying about preparing for winter; taking stock of what we will need to winterize the house, packing away the outdoor furniture, uprooting the droopy annuals from the gardens and raking up heaps of fallen leaves.

I also love that final push to bring to fruition any outstanding plans or goals that are on my list for the year.  While I try to be flexible about goals, realizing that over the course of the year direction and focus can change, I like to take a good hard look at what I set out to do in January and which goals I’d still like to accomplish.

So this morning with an extra large mug of tea in hand, I reviewed my 2011 plans.  These goals are written in a beautiful hardcover journal with gilded pages.  If the goals are important why not give them a suitably impressive place to be recorded?

My theme for the year was “Faith, Focus, Discipline and above all Love”.  I dedicated one page to each of the various areas of my life such as: Fitness and Health, Family, Marriage, Finances, Creativity, etc.  Each page contains a brief list of things I wanted to focus on or accomplish in that category.  Periodically throughout the year I looked at each page as a gentle reminder of what I had hoped to do.  I make notes, cross things out, check things off so that I can keep track of my direction and progress.  I also keep one page for each month to record important things that have happened, achievements and failures.  I have used this system of goal setting and accountability for many years and find that is works well.

How am I doing?  There are areas that I am satisfied with and other areas that are less impressive.  The encouraging thing is that I have nearly three full months left to finish up projects, cross others off the list or take small steps to get goals I've procrastinated on started.   

One of the projects that I am trying to complete is the mosaic table that I began back in July.  I’d like to be able to use the table indoors during the winter for playing Scrabble or having dinner in front of the fire.  Because mosaic work is messy I want to finish the table outside on the verandah rather than indoors.  I’m also certain now that I do not have enough tiles to complete it and will need to find tiles of equal thickness to finish the project. 

Mosaic Table in Progress

All in all I feel a sense of excitement about what is ahead.  I know that some things will be carried forward to next year, but with a couple of baby sized steps each week I'm hoping to realize a few more goals this year that are  expressions of faith, focus, discipline and above all, love.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

May your day be filled with love,

Sandra

Slow Living - Photo Essay with Snails

I was inspired to revisit the topic of living more slowly after reading a post on artist Julie Brown's blog Wabibrook Studio.  Thanks Julie for the reminder.

I read recently that snails have inhabited our planet for some 60 million years.  That is a lot of slow moving family history. 

Slow Living is a family tradition

One of my goals is to live more slowly, to take time to appreciate and enjoy what matters most in life; important relationships, spiritual growth, fitness, nature and creativity.  I thought that giving up work outside of the home would naturally translate into this easy-going, deeply meaningful, slow paced life.  Unfortunately, my family does not have a 60 million year old legacy of moving and living slowly.  Rather, I was raised to be productive, punctual and personable.  Do these seemingly admirable qualities prevent me from living the slow life?  No, but sometimes I struggle with these deeply imbedded life principles. 

Productivity is highly valued in our culture, we’re all about doing.  See (On Being vs Doing)   New acquaintances often ask, “What do you do?” Friends ask “What did you do on the weekend?”  I used to keep a lengthy to-do list so as to always have a pending task at my fingertips.   Now, I find I must consciously avoid creating written or mental lists of chores.  I have to remind myself that it is okay to have daily time that is not scheduled a time when I do not have to be productive.  I try to regularly give myself permission to do what I want, whether it is just sitting, napping or going for a slow stroll.  This is not as easy as it sounds; I have to quiet my inner critic who likes to label me as “lazy” for non-productive time.

It's okay to stop and admire my surroundings

Sometimes I just like to sit and think

Concerning punctuality, I would never be a proponent of purposely arriving late - that just seems rude; however, there are situations that arise that cause all of us to be tardy at one time or another.  The concern is the degree of anxiety or stress that I feel when I know that I will be late, the belief that a lack of punctuality is a flaw in my character, that a better person would have anticipated the flat tire, the accident on the bridge or the bus not showing up.

I don't need to rush.

Being personable has certainly had more positive results than negative, but it is a question of degrees.  I thrive when I have a healthy dose of alone time and I seem to need a lot more than most people.  It can be difficult for others to understand or accept.  Yet I have learned the hard way that forfeiting regular times of solitude in order to meet others’ expectations leaves me drained, unhappy and eventually angry at myself for being so “nice” that I have spread myself too thin at the expense of my own well-being.

I just need a little solitude

"I don't understand your need for so much time alone!"

So where does this leave me in my quest to s-l-o-w down?  I guess I still have a ways to go in achieving a slow living lifestyle, but I am getting there….albeit slowly!

Slow Living -I'm getting there...

A special thank you to all these snails who live in  my neighbour's garden.

And thank you too for slowing down and visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life.

Have a most wonderful day,

Sandra

Leaving the workplace - what's in a title?

This post is the latest in a series of personal observations about leaving the workplace. (See rethinking work & leaving the workplace - beyond the fear)

Since officially resigning about ten days ago, I’ve had some very interesting reactions from people.  While I have considered myself an artist for a couple of decades now, having had exhibits, sold paintings and given lessons to others, when people would asked, “What do you do?” I would normally answer that I was a church secretary or a substitute teacher, depending on the part-time job I had at the time. 

You see, even when polite company asks you “What do you do?” and one replies, “I paint” or “I am an artist”, there is a slight narrowing of the eyes, a bubbling up of suspicion.  And who can blame them?  Even works of art that hang in museums and galleries often cause us to wonder if the work was done by a real painter or by a couple of angry cats fighting it out in the artist’s studio.

We are just more comfortable when people have a real job with a job title and are doing their part to keep the economy chugging along.  Take for instance an encounter I had with a neighbour last week, a married woman, who is the sole breadwinner in her family of four who does the lion’s share of work both in the home and out.  When she asked if I was back at school yet (substitute teaching) I replied that I had resigned.  I suppose it would have helped had the poor woman had some type of warning that I was considering leaving work.  It isn’t easy for people to process this type of information on the spur of the moment. Whereas, if people suspect you might leave the ranks of the employed they have an opportunity to prepare themselves, to prevent their eyes from enlarging to the size of small saucers and their jaws from falling to their chests. 

What? You resigned?!

After all, society and indeed nature itself often gives us time to adjust to people’s pending change in status.  We sometimes label engaged women as brides-to-be; pregnancy (thankfully!!) gives us (and the neighbours) many months to prepare and adjust to our changing status of mom and dad. 

In my neighbour’s defense, she made a rather lovely recovery from her shock by noticing my dogs, whom I was walking at the time, and very kindly pointed out, “Well you have your dogs to take care of now.” Wasn’t that sweet?

It isn’t just my imagination.  Our youngest daughter is a stay-at-home mom to Sadie-Anne who is almost a year old.  People often ask her when she’s going back to “work”.  (In Quebec we have an awesome maternity/paternity program that allows new parents up to one year of paid leave.) She proudly tells them she’s a stay-at-home mom, but that she is technically already back at work as the co-founder of the Eat, Play, Love Animal Rescue  a non-profit which she co-manages out of her home.  While most do not understand the calling to rescue animals that are at risk, they are happy to have a “work label” to attach to the job title of Mom (as if it needed anything added!).

Also this week, my husband and I met with our financial advisor to set up a new investment.  Our advisor was filling in the required form when he came to the box entitled job title there was a long moment of hesitation, the advisor looked to me and I glanced at my husband who replied, “Artist”.  Yes, I thought, Artist!   

Thank you for taking time to stop by My Turquoise Kettle Life.

Have yourself a lovely day ,you are en-titled to it.

Sandra

How to customize a cardigan sweater

Someone recently passed along a pretty blue cardigan sweater to me.  I loved the colour but the sweater was a little loose.  Today I tried it on again and decided it needed to be taken in a good two to three inches along the sides.    

Once I had it fitting properly I still wanted to “fix” it somehow.  I decided to give it elbow patches in a feminine floral pattern.  I used an oval dish as a template, turned under the edges of the patches, pressed them and using a zigzag stitch, sewed them onto the sleeves.  

Thinking that the front also needed to be dressed up, I used the same fabric to cut a small pocket, trimmed it with lace, a vintage button and voila!  A one-of-a-kind cute little cardi!

Front

back with elbow patches

pretty, feminine and unique

Passing along clothing to a friend or relative is a great way to "recycle" and economize.  Use your imagination (and your sewing machine) to make the "new-to-you" clothing uniquely "you".

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life.

Wishing you a creative day,

Sandra

Leaving the workplace - beyond the fear

I’ve written recently about  re-thinking work , about my desire to live a life where my work is my art in all of its various expressions.  This is the big dream.  For the past dozen years I have worked part time, the past six years as a substitute teacher in a small high school. 

The beauty of substituting is that the schedule is usually flexible, there isn’t any work in the summer and the pay is quite good.  Well intentioned people have pointed out that “not everyone gets to do what they want.” This is true, thank you for pointing that out to me.  So what’s my problem?  Why don’t I grow up and work a few days a week, and be "creative"  the rest of the time?  Good point; and one I’ve struggled with over the past year and especially over the past few months.

If anything has become clear it is that fear has kept me with one foot in the classroom and one foot in the studio; fear of being (or being perceived as) selfish, a failure, broke, lazy – all the usual culprits that creative people struggle with. 

Today I finally pushed past the fear and contacted my vice-principal and asked her to remove my name from the list of available substitute teachers.  After I hung up everything was very quiet; I noticed the quiet in my home, the quiet outside, but especially the quiet in my mind and in my body.  I stood at my kitchen window looking out at my garden for a long time. 

What I am feeling is simply wonderful; a very big sigh, a very deep and peaceful breath.  I am deeply grateful and completely excited about what comes next.  

Thank you for checking out My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Have a simply wonderful day,

Sandra

Sensible Schedules - Photo Essay with Cows

The photos that accompany today's post were taken near Eastman Quebec.  A special thank you to all the cows for their patience and cooperation.



September is like a huge switch that despite our reluctance and resistance gets turned "on" right after the Labour Day weekend. We all know that it’s coming, we know what it looks and feels like, yet we appear to be startled when it’s dark at 6:00 am or by 8:00 pm. Pulling our sweaters tightly about us we complain, "Its chilly today!" As if we had no idea that this is what was in store for us.

If we are caught off guard by the weather, imagine for a moment how many of us will feel when we find ourselves (once again) swamped with commitments to clubs, lessons, social groups, sports, committees, work, school and church. The French have a lovely term that sums up September, "la rentrée". A "re-entering". I've read it described as a returning from vacation, to home, to work, to normalcy.   If  "normalcy" causes you to feel some dread, it may be time to make a few  modifications.

While none of us can modify the rising or setting of the sun, or the chill that accompanies September, we do have choices about our schedules and how busy we allow ourselves to become. Here are five small steps that may help you to keep your schedule simple, healthy and enjoyable.

1. Under schedule.... set a limit to how many evenings/week-ends a month you are willing to be committed. You may not mind being out two nights a week but remember it isn't only what is scheduled that will fill up your weeks, unexpected and sometimes important requests will also arise. Leave gaps (lots of them!) in your calendar.

Escape over committment

2. Do schedule YOU time.... in the same way you would write commitments on your calendar, book certain times that are for your enjoyment. At the beginning of each month make a list of five things that refresh you, it could be a massage, a manicure, an evening at the library, watching a movie, a yoga class, chatting with a cherished friend over a cup of tea. You get to decide. Do not allow the wants of others deter you from these activities; you need them to stay healthy.

Schedule time to relax or hang out with friends

3. If you have children... research shows that over scheduling our children hurts not helps them. Limit each child to one sport or activity. Let them choose what interests them. Tell them they can try something different next time, but it is one activity at a time. This one suggestion alone could save your sanity (and your budget) this fall.

Nurture your children by not over scheduling them.

4. If you have a significant other... Don't allow your outside interests/obligations to trump together time with a significant other. While your spouse may agree that your "good works" are helping others, remember what is really important to you and invest your time there.

Schedule time with your significant other

5. Avoid the "shoulds"....When you are deciding where to volunteer or what to sign up for avoid the "shoulds". Just because you've been on the parent committee at your child's school for the past two years does not mean you have to volunteer there this year.

Any groups you'd rather not be involved with?

Avoid following the herd

A good way for me to gauge if I am where I want to be is how I feel when a meeting/event is cancelled. If I get a call that the event is postponed until next week and I find myself doing "the happy dance" around the kitchen, good chance it isn't what I want to be doing.

-------------------------

When my daughters were young, an older woman shared some wisdom with me. She said,

"Don't be everything you can be, be the only thing that you can be."

Simply explained, I am the only one who can be a great mom to my daughters, I am the only one who can be an awesome wife to my husband, and I am the only one who can be "Nana" to my grand-daughter.  There are roles and opportunities that you are uniquely positioned to fill, usually these are the most important and rewarding. 



In closing, choose wisely where you will spend your energy and your time this fall. If you cannot completely over-haul your schedule, take baby-steps, a few this September, a few more in January... even small changes will make "la rentrée" a more pleasant experience

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Enjoy the long-weekend,

Sandra