Leaving the workplace - beyond the fear

I’ve written recently about  re-thinking work , about my desire to live a life where my work is my art in all of its various expressions.  This is the big dream.  For the past dozen years I have worked part time, the past six years as a substitute teacher in a small high school. 

The beauty of substituting is that the schedule is usually flexible, there isn’t any work in the summer and the pay is quite good.  Well intentioned people have pointed out that “not everyone gets to do what they want.” This is true, thank you for pointing that out to me.  So what’s my problem?  Why don’t I grow up and work a few days a week, and be "creative"  the rest of the time?  Good point; and one I’ve struggled with over the past year and especially over the past few months.

If anything has become clear it is that fear has kept me with one foot in the classroom and one foot in the studio; fear of being (or being perceived as) selfish, a failure, broke, lazy – all the usual culprits that creative people struggle with. 

Today I finally pushed past the fear and contacted my vice-principal and asked her to remove my name from the list of available substitute teachers.  After I hung up everything was very quiet; I noticed the quiet in my home, the quiet outside, but especially the quiet in my mind and in my body.  I stood at my kitchen window looking out at my garden for a long time. 

What I am feeling is simply wonderful; a very big sigh, a very deep and peaceful breath.  I am deeply grateful and completely excited about what comes next.  

Thank you for checking out My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

Have a simply wonderful day,

Sandra