Winter Indulgences

 

As the year winds down, the December days are long on dreary and short on light. 

 I am not someone who gets excited at the first snowfall or who anticipates long winter walks followed up by hot chocolate.  Its a beautiful image but just give me warmth and comfort through till Spring.

To that end I have been surrounding myself with the items that help me to get through the season.

 luxury sheets and a heavenly duvet

small kindnesses

bedside reading to comfort and inspire

wooly socks - naturally!

steaming cups of tea

my favourite dark chocolate

These little indulgences will not negate chilly dog walks, scraping ice off the windshield, cold fingers, icy walkways and layers and layers of clothing but they will make my winter more comfortable.  Can you keep a few items tucked away for the coldest, darkest days of winter?

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle life today.  May you indulge yourself with a few luxuries this season.

Warm wishes,

Sandra

Life's Storms

 

Listless and tired I boil the kettle yet again and hold the steaming mug between my hands and stare outside.  The December wind protests loudly, sweeping the snow off the roof into eddies that vanish as quickly as they appeared.  It is easy to get swept along with the winds, whipped this way and that.

 I'm sensitive to getting swept away, realizing this about myself I do not own a television, or listen to the news, or engage more than I have to with negative, emotionally exhausting people.  This has taken me decades to accept about myself.  During this globally challenging season, more than ever I try to be aware and respectful of my needs and hold to my healthy habits and boundaries.

Sometimes the world is overwhelming 

 

 I look around and wonder if anyone else
feels the same way I do

 

Sometimes I just want to hide away

and close my eyes and dream instead.  
There's nothing wrong with dreaming.

Once I'm rested I can accept that
even in life's challenges there is a certain beauty to be
found and a particular wisdom
that comes with having weathered life's storms.

May you be comforted and find strength to weather any storms you may be experiencing.  

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of gentle strength,

Sandra

 

Loss

 This past August we lost my dad to cancer.  His ever present, ever helping, always smiling, loving presence slowly dwindled away to nothing and was gone.  And while he assured me that he was ready to leave this life and was sure of his destination into the next realm, it has been difficult to process, difficult to fill in the gaping void his death has left. 

Wounded butterfly 

 

For us left behind, we attempt to pick up the pieces,  hobble together the care he so lovingly lavished on our mother, while helping her to understand and adjust to her new reality.  I am deeply thankful to have my sister, daughters and niece and others to walk this path with, without them I would have been swallowed up completely.

 I am not sure if I have grieved since his death or perhaps I grieved prior to that day, with what is referred to as anticipatory grief.  Certainly the saddest moments for me were seeing him struggle to remain independent.  He was patient and optimistic up to his last day, always more concerned about others than himself, not wanting to ever be a burden.  I sometimes think that because he lived life so selflessly I was relieved for him to be free of his suffering, free of the worry about his loved ones that sometimes consumed him, free from watching my mother, the focus and devotion of his life, age and begin to fail.  

I miss my father immensely but there is a certain unexpected comfort to be had in knowing that he is truly free.  

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Tell those whom you love how much you cherish them,

Sandra 

Jumping off the Page

Journal writing has been a part of my morning routine for decades, I love everything about it and when I miss out on it, its akin to discovering there will not be tea this morning, or that I miscalculated how much dark chocolate I thought was in the pantry.  Journaling  is part of my wellness practice.

Over the past few months I had noticed that I didn't love my handwriting as much as I had, what was going on?  So I wrote in a "stream of consciousness" style this morning, which if you are not familiar with it simply means you write without editing or forethought or a plan, you empty your thoughts quickly onto the page before your ego has a chance to try to script them. Here is an excerpt from this morning's journal practice.

Fascinating, I was wondering, I was concerned that recently my handwriting was jagged and a little disconnected.  But no, that wasn't it at all, I didn't know that  my writing, my self expression needed to be allowed to expand, to extend beyond the confines of the lines.  My words wanted to inhale and expand and exhale and to breathe more freely.  So today's stream of consciousness writing is an experiment to wonder and allow.  Where does my expressed word want to move to?  How much space on the page do I desire to fill with ink and thought? How large does my writing want to be?
When I tried to restrict the size of my writing over these past few months (read: restrict myself, my truth, my essence) it became unbalanced, jagged, nothing flowed.  I hardly recognized it and the more I felt disturbed by the unfamiliar writing showing up in my journal, the more I tried to slowly and deliberately form the letters to try to recapture the beautiful penmanship I had once loved.  The more I forced, the uglier the letters became.  It was as though my mind and my hand refused to cooperate.  
But here today I see that when I allow myself space and freedom, my writing takes on a larger, swirling, delicate dance, it is creative, it is organic and it is beautiful and new.  The ink flows freely and carries my thoughts on a divine thread onto the page.  I am fascinated and I am curious. 

I have let these thoughts simmer throughout the day.  In the same way that my inner world has recently been expanding with new ideas, studies and fresh insight I think it makes perfect sense that this would show up in my penmanship.  Where I once lived neatly between the margins on the ruled page, I am no longer satisfied with squeezing myself into those expectations and routines which feel small, worn out and confining.  I will give myself the freedom to examine what I have been reluctant to let go of and ask myself "Is it time?  What and who bring me joy?  What drains and depletes?"  I'm not suggesting all the mundane and unpleasantness of  life can be flushed, there are lessons in everything, but if I can remove the confines I place on myself around certain situations....ahhh now I can breathe, move and take up a bit more space on the page of my own life.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you be free,

Sandra

Seeking Joy

We stood on the sidewalk chatting, it was evening and rain clouds were gathering.  Her life had not been easy in recent years.  "I used to be a joyful person."she confessed.  The sentence was brief but filled with a weight that seemed to land heavily on the sidewalk between us.  We were both quiet for a moment, this woman from my neighbourhood and I.  I spoke very quietly, "You've got to get your joy back." 
"I'm trying", she answered sincerely, "I'm trying".

I confided a painful situation from childhood, "Therapy helped finally" I said.  "How long?" she asked.  "Well it was rather like an onion" I explained, "I would have relief for a while, then realize there was another layer to deal with.  So, about twenty years in all."  She nodded, thoughtfully.

This left me thinking about happiness and joy. The roots of joy run deeper than happiness.  Happiness skims the surface of life ebbing and flowing with circumstances and mood. A small chirping bird that alights on the rooftop of my life, easily startled by a slight breeze, a fluttering leaf, a sudden movement and it may take flight.

Joy is the stray cat who sits in the garden waiting and watching, who finally trusts enough to rub against my ankle.  The soft and quiet one whose motor purrs at my arrival, who captures my heart and eventually moves in for good, curling up near me in the dark nights, whose meows greet me mornings to announce, "I'm here, you are here too."  This is joy.

My neighbour and I chatted a while longer but eventually the wind picked up, the sky darkened and we said goodbye.  Later, watching the rain drizzle down the windows, with a small cat perched on the back of the sofa beside me,  I whispered a prayer for her, that she would find the path to her joy - may we all.

Thank  you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of joy,

Sandra

Painted Garden Rocks

Today my daughter and I painted rocks for her garden as markers for the various vegetables she is planning to grow.  We chose several rocks from our back yard, made ourselves some tea, then set ourselves up with paints and brushes and scrolled through Pinterest looking for inspiration.  There were so many ideas (isn't there always on Pinterest?) that it was difficult at first to decide.

garden rocks in various shapes and sizes (wash and dry the rocks)

Finally we decided to paint all the rocks black as a base coat for a consistent look

We used acrylic paint

and tried to find rock shapes that suited our subject matter

Here is our final harvest of garden rocks.  

This was a really lovely way to spend a dull and chilly afternoon together.  It was a fun and easy activity that let us be creative with what we had on hand, without a big time commitment and only a few paint brushes to clean up afterwards.  Within a couple of hours we had everything completed and her garden will look pretty all summer long. 

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing each of you a beautiful day,

Sandra

Shrinking and Expanding

Outwardly my world (and probably yours too) has shrunk, I have less freedom and limited interactions, my days are spent at home.  What could feel like the constraint of a too small itchy wool sweater, actually feels snug and comforting, like the swaddling of a baby, safe, snug and cocooned.  While the outer parameters of my life shrink, inwardly I have time to stretch, to breathe.  I have spaces in the margins of my days.  

Prayer shawl in progress

This is no small joy.  With time to meditate regularly, to pray more deeply and to improve my yoga practice, my inner world is expanding.  There is no fixed schedule, no rushing.  Our meals are all home cooked, we've made our own bread and homemade ice cream.  We expanded a small garden for vegetables and have sewn some masks for our family members.  We have story time after breakfast most days and sometimes we nap after lunch.  There is time for ourselves for sitting and thinking and there is time for one another for listening and sharing ideas.  Last night my granddaughter taught me some dance moves and I showed her how to do the Twist to Chubby Checkers' hit song.  There is time to laugh.

One day the quarantine will end, schedules will fire up and restrictions will be watered down.  My daughter and her children will return to school, I will return to work, I will finally be able to see my daughter who lives in another province, it will be a time of rejoicing.  Those on the front lines will finally have the rest and freedom that they deserve.  May I never take for granted everything they have done to keep us safe.

Eventually the quarantine will be a memory woven into the fabric of our lives.  Do I want it to be over? Absolutely, but until then I believe there are many gifts to be discovered, unwrapped and appreciated right now that would never have been possible without these current circumstances.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May your day be filled with beautiful gifts,

Sandra

Reflection

Not too many years ago I went through a difficult season in my life when everything I thought I knew and understood about my life began to unravel.   Initially I scrambled to make sense of it and to hold on to what was familiar all the while assuring myself that I was okay with "everything".   Funny thing that human tendency to want to guard the status quo even at the expense of our core values, with a "devil you know" justification.  It was through this season of denial that I experienced a LOT of anger and fear.

Jump forward five years and I'm so grateful that I chose to release my grasp on the script I had written for my life, how it was "supposed to happen". With the wisdom of a trusted therapist, I chose instead to live according to my value of honesty over security, authenticity over appearances and the scary unknown over security... come what may.

And things did come, I got sick... really sick.  Alone in my hospital bed, too weak to walk, no appetite and sleeping endlessly I sensed God reminding me of a promise He gave me in 1997 when I first placed my faith in Jesus as my Saviour, He gave me a verse that I still cling too "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5).  If I'm honest, by that point I was too hurt, angry and sick to care about anyone's promises.  Thankfully many others were praying for me when I could not pray at all.  I was also surrounded by my AWESOME tribe (you all know who you are!).  Slowly and very gradually my health improved, the doctors had a diagnosis so we knew what we were dealing with. Yes, it is a chronic condition but my attending physician now says that I am his "miracle patient"!!!

I believe that most of my suffering years ago came as a result of holding so tenaciously to my version of  how things were "supposed" to turn out.  I'm so extremely thankful that I let go of the limited vision I had for my future and allowed God to show me His abundant plans for my life. 

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have the courage to live your truth,

Sandra

Chalk on a Sidewalk

A couple of weeks ago my grandchildren were chalking on the sidewalk in front of our home.  They were leaving messages to encourage our neighbours to "wash your hands", "smile", they drew rainbows and hearts.  I picked up a piece of chalk and wrote out, "Be kind, Be patient, Be good to yourself and to others" on a section of sidewalk. 

Two mornings later I stepped out early to walk my dog and found a note in a plastic sleeve on my balcony (see below).  I was so completely moved by the note and the sentiment of how a few simple words, chalked on a sidewalk had impacted a mom and daughter. 

Later that day I saw a woman and young girl on my driveway who seemed to be peeking up at the balcony, I opened my window and said hello and it was indeed the woman who had left the note.  She explained again how the words had turned their day around and wanted to let us know.  Since my grandchildren are very close in age to her daughter we promised that when the quarantine is over we would get together.

What a lovely reminder of the impact that a few encouraging words can have on us and on our neighbours. 

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you have a wonderful day,

Sandra

Pondering

 It is the beginning of week three.  I'm not sure why I write or to whom but I need to express my gratitude, to say thank you to thousands of people I do not know and will never meet who are exhausted and frightened, either because they are exposed to risks daily in the essential services they provide or because they are isolated and uncertain.  Thank you for serving and meeting our needs for medical attention, food and transportation and thank you to you who respect the quarantine and remain isolated despite your uncertainty and loneliness. 

My granddaughter lost in thought

I wonder if we will be changed by our experiences and how.  Will this propel us to somehow seek better ways of being or will we slip back into old thought patterns?  I guess what will matter is how we think as individuals, our belief system, how we process our reality, and how deeply we are personally affected by the situation.  Lord only knows....

I pray for you my reader, thank you for your efforts, I pray that you might have a quiet mind and courage for today.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life.

Wishing you well,

Sandra

Gentleness for Today

I'm in isolation at home with one of my daughters and my grandchildren.  We are so blessed, we are healthy, we have food, we have each other.  My job is not adaptable to working from home so I'm just home.  Some days I think what a great opportunity to accomplish all the tasks that I generally push to the end of my to-do list and some days I think, "This comfy chair gives me a great view of the drizzly weather and the occasional person venturing out to walk a dog."
Sometimes I feel happy and energetic and sometimes I need a nap.

Sometimes all I can manage is a nap

I think my daughter and I came to the conclusion that gentleness is the way to go.  Naturally with children there is a schedule that needs to be (loosely) adhered to but in many ways I think its important to be extra gentle with ourselves and others.  There has been a huge shift in each of our lives and that takes time to adjust to.  None of us will do this perfectly.  I'm trying to do it with patience, grace and gratitude. I'm successful about as often as I am unsuccessful.  I'm trying.  I'm learning.  I'm messing up and trying again.

What seems to help is my meditation practice and of course prayer.  If you're reading this know that I'm praying for you - for all your pressing needs and for a gentleness of spirit to carry you through today and the days to come.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a gentle day,

Sandra

Children's Painting Project

I hope that this post finds you well.  Are you mostly confined to your home, have extra time on your hands and younger ones underfoot?  If so this post may inspire you to spend a sunny afternoon as we did today, exercising our creativity.

Several months ago my dear neighbour Suzanne gave me a few "shadow box" canvases. My granddaughter, who is nine, and I pulled one out today, set up an area to get a bit messy and assembled all our supplies: magazines for cutting, glue, acrylic paint, brushes etc. Please remember that acrylic paint can stain fabrics, so cover up.

The idea was to find a landscape image to fit in the recessed square in the center of the canvas and then to extend the landscape outwards using her imagination. 

we fixed the image to the canvas using matte medium but glue would work too.

Using a pencil, my granddaughter extended the landscape up, to the sides and down.

 Once she had a rough drawing, she began with acrylic paints filling in sky, treetops and a river.

Our kitten Pepper watches the creative process.

Whoa Pepper! Haha.... beware of leaping kittens!

Filling in the surrounding landscape, the painting begins taking shape.

And voila!  A completed masterpiece.

This was a fun way to spend a couple of hours. 

As a less messy alternative or for a younger artist, this project could be easily adapted to a magazine image glued to the center of a sturdy piece of paper and filled in using watercolours, pencil or wax crayons. 

Like a blank canvas, each of us can choose how we colour our experiences.  Let's choose optimism, cooperation and faith as often as we can.

Thank you for visiting My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of happy colours,

Sandra

A Little Bear Repair

Last year my 85 year old mom gave my grandson Eli a very old teddy bear that she had been given years earlier.  Apparently the bear is quite old, he has a fully articulated head and limbs but no label that would give us a clue as to his history.  He was in decent condition with the exception of the pads of his paws, the fabric on them had disintegrated and with the slightest touch would rub away.

I rubbed off the fragile brown fabric and on a sunny afternoon in the comfort of my bed, I set to replacing it with some fuzzy cream fabric that I found. 

gentle stitching under the watchful eye of Pepper the kitten.

Nearly as good as new

Sometimes when we are feeling worn and frayed, the gentle touch of a friend can help to set us right again.  Remember to reach out to those who may be feeling isolated or alone today. 

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today,

May you be well,
Sandra

These February Blahs

Its still early morning as I sit at my desk writing.  I've meditated, prayed, drank my share of tea and dropped off my grandchildren at school. Life is good, and yet... lately I've had that nagging, blah, mid-February sense that something is off.  Yes but what? And why can't I put a label on it and just fix it?

In this office where I pray and write I'm "wintering" my geraniums.  I'm a total novice at keeping plants over the winter but I read up a bit on the how-to's and figured I had nothing to lose and a few colourful plants to gain if I had any success.

So far I've managed to keep them alive.  This room is gloriously sunny in the afternoons (winter willing) and I water them weekly.

What I noticed this morning is that while they appear to be thriving, they are not without their own winter struggles.

See how she reaches toward the light?  All her energy seemingly poured into one stem that strains toward the warm and life-giving sun. 

Closer to her roots some of her stems and leaves are dried, withered and brown.  This is where I began to relate to Madame Geranium.  This is exactly how I'm feeling: surviving, reaching out and maintaining those good and healthy practices that keep me well; enough sleep, good food, good friends, my morning practices (yoga, prayer etc) but the hidden inner workings are a little dry and crumpled, dull, tired, blah. 

Its reassuring to remember that life is seasonal.  I look at nature and remember that this is a season of slowing down a little, allowing the rest and pockets of "hibernation" that winter calls for.
I cannot necessarily be in "full bloom" 12 months of the year.  Its ok to miss the warmth, the sun, the long days, its ok to feel a little blah and not panic, there's nothing wrong with me*.  Its just February.  I will continue to practice self-care and nurturing, I will continue to reach out to those whom I love, we will comfort and encourage one another.  Eventually the days will be longer, the huge banks of snow will melt into the sewers, the earth will smell pungent and with any luck Madame Geranium may even bloom again.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you be warmed right down to your roots today,

Sandra

* please know that in some instances winter blahs may be a more serious condition that requires the help of health care professionals.  If you suspect that you are suffering from a deeper form of anxiety and/or depression, reach out today to someone you trust to discuss your concerns.

Redeemable

I spend a lot of time on my knees.

 Yes, I am a woman who prays (on my knees) but my retail job also involves a lot of bending, climbing up and down ladders, kneeling to cut lengths of carpet runners and crawling under shelving to retrieve products that have toppled over the back side of the displays.
Its not glamorous but it does keep me active and flexible.

The work means that my clothing gets put to the test.  Recently my favourite jeans developed a hole on the knee.  Hmmm... annoying, do I  get rid of them?  I debated cutting them into shorts, using the scraps for some future project or maybe salvaging them by way of getting a bit creative.  I decided to redeem them, to embroider a flower and some leaves over the tear.  I liked the results and continued the vines, flowers, eventually little hearts up the leg of the jeans.

I'm happy with the results.  I'm also reminded that when I have personally felt worn out and torn apart by some circumstance which is beyond my control, over extending myself or at times the result of my own lack of wisdom;  God never sees me as a lost cause.  He knows my limits, when I come unraveled and when I want to give up.  But He never puts me in the throw away pile.  He comes along, picks me up and gently stitches my life circumstances together one more time... in the process creating something unique and beautiful.  We are all always redeemable... no matter what.

I hope that you sense how much you are cherished and how worthy you are of being loved regardless of whether your life seems to be intact today or tattered, tired and unraveling.  Seek out the support of those who love you unconditionally, who are gentle and supportive, pray, or feel free to  connect with me in the comments section.

Thank you for stopping by my turquoise kettle life today,
Wishing you a day of love and support

Sandra