Over the past few months I had noticed that I didn't love my handwriting as much as I had, what was going on? So I wrote in a "stream of consciousness" style this morning, which if you are not familiar with it simply means you write without editing or forethought or a plan, you empty your thoughts quickly onto the page before your ego has a chance to try to script them. Here is an excerpt from this morning's journal practice.
Fascinating, I was wondering, I was concerned that recently my handwriting was jagged and a little disconnected. But no, that wasn't it at all, I didn't know that my writing, my self expression needed to be allowed to expand, to extend beyond the confines of the lines. My words wanted to inhale and expand and exhale and to breathe more freely. So today's stream of consciousness writing is an experiment to wonder and allow. Where does my expressed word want to move to? How much space on the page do I desire to fill with ink and thought? How large does my writing want to be?
When I tried to restrict the size of my writing over these past few months (read: restrict myself, my truth, my essence) it became unbalanced, jagged, nothing flowed. I hardly recognized it and the more I felt disturbed by the unfamiliar writing showing up in my journal, the more I tried to slowly and deliberately form the letters to try to recapture the beautiful penmanship I had once loved. The more I forced, the uglier the letters became. It was as though my mind and my hand refused to cooperate.
But here today I see that when I allow myself space and freedom, my writing takes on a larger, swirling, delicate dance, it is creative, it is organic and it is beautiful and new. The ink flows freely and carries my thoughts on a divine thread onto the page. I am fascinated and I am curious.
I have let these thoughts simmer throughout the day. In the same way that my inner world has recently been expanding with new ideas, studies and fresh insight I think it makes perfect sense that this would show up in my penmanship. Where I once lived neatly between the margins on the ruled page, I am no longer satisfied with squeezing myself into those expectations and routines which feel small, worn out and confining. I will give myself the freedom to examine what I have been reluctant to let go of and ask myself "Is it time? What and who bring me joy? What drains and depletes?" I'm not suggesting all the mundane and unpleasantness of life can be flushed, there are lessons in everything, but if I can remove the confines I place on myself around certain situations....ahhh now I can breathe, move and take up a bit more space on the page of my own life.
Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.
May you be free,
Sandra
