This past August we lost my dad to cancer. His ever present, ever helping, always smiling, loving presence slowly dwindled away to nothing and was gone. And while he assured me that he was ready to leave this life and was sure of his destination into the next realm, it has been difficult to process, difficult to fill in the gaping void his death has left.
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| Wounded butterfly |
For us left behind, we attempt to pick up the pieces, hobble together the care he so lovingly lavished on our mother, while helping her to understand and adjust to her new reality. I am deeply thankful to have my sister, daughters and niece and others to walk this path with, without them I would have been swallowed up completely.
I am not sure if I have grieved since his death or perhaps I grieved prior to that day, with what is referred to as anticipatory grief. Certainly the saddest moments for me were seeing him struggle to remain independent. He was patient and optimistic up to his last day, always more concerned about others than himself, not wanting to ever be a burden. I sometimes think that because he lived life so selflessly I was relieved for him to be free of his suffering, free of the worry about his loved ones that sometimes consumed him, free from watching my mother, the focus and devotion of his life, age and begin to fail.
I miss my father immensely but there is a certain unexpected comfort to be had in knowing that he is truly free.
Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.
Tell those whom you love how much you cherish them,
Sandra
