Winter Indulgences

 

As the year winds down, the December days are long on dreary and short on light. 

 I am not someone who gets excited at the first snowfall or who anticipates long winter walks followed up by hot chocolate.  Its a beautiful image but just give me warmth and comfort through till Spring.

To that end I have been surrounding myself with the items that help me to get through the season.

 luxury sheets and a heavenly duvet

small kindnesses

bedside reading to comfort and inspire

wooly socks - naturally!

steaming cups of tea

my favourite dark chocolate

These little indulgences will not negate chilly dog walks, scraping ice off the windshield, cold fingers, icy walkways and layers and layers of clothing but they will make my winter more comfortable.  Can you keep a few items tucked away for the coldest, darkest days of winter?

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle life today.  May you indulge yourself with a few luxuries this season.

Warm wishes,

Sandra

Life's Storms

 

Listless and tired I boil the kettle yet again and hold the steaming mug between my hands and stare outside.  The December wind protests loudly, sweeping the snow off the roof into eddies that vanish as quickly as they appeared.  It is easy to get swept along with the winds, whipped this way and that.

 I'm sensitive to getting swept away, realizing this about myself I do not own a television, or listen to the news, or engage more than I have to with negative, emotionally exhausting people.  This has taken me decades to accept about myself.  During this globally challenging season, more than ever I try to be aware and respectful of my needs and hold to my healthy habits and boundaries.

Sometimes the world is overwhelming 

 

 I look around and wonder if anyone else
feels the same way I do

 

Sometimes I just want to hide away

and close my eyes and dream instead.  
There's nothing wrong with dreaming.

Once I'm rested I can accept that
even in life's challenges there is a certain beauty to be
found and a particular wisdom
that comes with having weathered life's storms.

May you be comforted and find strength to weather any storms you may be experiencing.  

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of gentle strength,

Sandra

 

Loss

 This past August we lost my dad to cancer.  His ever present, ever helping, always smiling, loving presence slowly dwindled away to nothing and was gone.  And while he assured me that he was ready to leave this life and was sure of his destination into the next realm, it has been difficult to process, difficult to fill in the gaping void his death has left. 

Wounded butterfly 

 

For us left behind, we attempt to pick up the pieces,  hobble together the care he so lovingly lavished on our mother, while helping her to understand and adjust to her new reality.  I am deeply thankful to have my sister, daughters and niece and others to walk this path with, without them I would have been swallowed up completely.

 I am not sure if I have grieved since his death or perhaps I grieved prior to that day, with what is referred to as anticipatory grief.  Certainly the saddest moments for me were seeing him struggle to remain independent.  He was patient and optimistic up to his last day, always more concerned about others than himself, not wanting to ever be a burden.  I sometimes think that because he lived life so selflessly I was relieved for him to be free of his suffering, free of the worry about his loved ones that sometimes consumed him, free from watching my mother, the focus and devotion of his life, age and begin to fail.  

I miss my father immensely but there is a certain unexpected comfort to be had in knowing that he is truly free.  

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Tell those whom you love how much you cherish them,

Sandra 

Jumping off the Page

Journal writing has been a part of my morning routine for decades, I love everything about it and when I miss out on it, its akin to discovering there will not be tea this morning, or that I miscalculated how much dark chocolate I thought was in the pantry.  Journaling  is part of my wellness practice.

Over the past few months I had noticed that I didn't love my handwriting as much as I had, what was going on?  So I wrote in a "stream of consciousness" style this morning, which if you are not familiar with it simply means you write without editing or forethought or a plan, you empty your thoughts quickly onto the page before your ego has a chance to try to script them. Here is an excerpt from this morning's journal practice.

Fascinating, I was wondering, I was concerned that recently my handwriting was jagged and a little disconnected.  But no, that wasn't it at all, I didn't know that  my writing, my self expression needed to be allowed to expand, to extend beyond the confines of the lines.  My words wanted to inhale and expand and exhale and to breathe more freely.  So today's stream of consciousness writing is an experiment to wonder and allow.  Where does my expressed word want to move to?  How much space on the page do I desire to fill with ink and thought? How large does my writing want to be?
When I tried to restrict the size of my writing over these past few months (read: restrict myself, my truth, my essence) it became unbalanced, jagged, nothing flowed.  I hardly recognized it and the more I felt disturbed by the unfamiliar writing showing up in my journal, the more I tried to slowly and deliberately form the letters to try to recapture the beautiful penmanship I had once loved.  The more I forced, the uglier the letters became.  It was as though my mind and my hand refused to cooperate.  
But here today I see that when I allow myself space and freedom, my writing takes on a larger, swirling, delicate dance, it is creative, it is organic and it is beautiful and new.  The ink flows freely and carries my thoughts on a divine thread onto the page.  I am fascinated and I am curious. 

I have let these thoughts simmer throughout the day.  In the same way that my inner world has recently been expanding with new ideas, studies and fresh insight I think it makes perfect sense that this would show up in my penmanship.  Where I once lived neatly between the margins on the ruled page, I am no longer satisfied with squeezing myself into those expectations and routines which feel small, worn out and confining.  I will give myself the freedom to examine what I have been reluctant to let go of and ask myself "Is it time?  What and who bring me joy?  What drains and depletes?"  I'm not suggesting all the mundane and unpleasantness of  life can be flushed, there are lessons in everything, but if I can remove the confines I place on myself around certain situations....ahhh now I can breathe, move and take up a bit more space on the page of my own life.

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May you be free,

Sandra

Seeking Joy

We stood on the sidewalk chatting, it was evening and rain clouds were gathering.  Her life had not been easy in recent years.  "I used to be a joyful person."she confessed.  The sentence was brief but filled with a weight that seemed to land heavily on the sidewalk between us.  We were both quiet for a moment, this woman from my neighbourhood and I.  I spoke very quietly, "You've got to get your joy back." 
"I'm trying", she answered sincerely, "I'm trying".

I confided a painful situation from childhood, "Therapy helped finally" I said.  "How long?" she asked.  "Well it was rather like an onion" I explained, "I would have relief for a while, then realize there was another layer to deal with.  So, about twenty years in all."  She nodded, thoughtfully.

This left me thinking about happiness and joy. The roots of joy run deeper than happiness.  Happiness skims the surface of life ebbing and flowing with circumstances and mood. A small chirping bird that alights on the rooftop of my life, easily startled by a slight breeze, a fluttering leaf, a sudden movement and it may take flight.

Joy is the stray cat who sits in the garden waiting and watching, who finally trusts enough to rub against my ankle.  The soft and quiet one whose motor purrs at my arrival, who captures my heart and eventually moves in for good, curling up near me in the dark nights, whose meows greet me mornings to announce, "I'm here, you are here too."  This is joy.

My neighbour and I chatted a while longer but eventually the wind picked up, the sky darkened and we said goodbye.  Later, watching the rain drizzle down the windows, with a small cat perched on the back of the sofa beside me,  I whispered a prayer for her, that she would find the path to her joy - may we all.

Thank  you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing you a day of joy,

Sandra

Painted Garden Rocks

Today my daughter and I painted rocks for her garden as markers for the various vegetables she is planning to grow.  We chose several rocks from our back yard, made ourselves some tea, then set ourselves up with paints and brushes and scrolled through Pinterest looking for inspiration.  There were so many ideas (isn't there always on Pinterest?) that it was difficult at first to decide.

garden rocks in various shapes and sizes (wash and dry the rocks)

Finally we decided to paint all the rocks black as a base coat for a consistent look

We used acrylic paint

and tried to find rock shapes that suited our subject matter

Here is our final harvest of garden rocks.  

This was a really lovely way to spend a dull and chilly afternoon together.  It was a fun and easy activity that let us be creative with what we had on hand, without a big time commitment and only a few paint brushes to clean up afterwards.  Within a couple of hours we had everything completed and her garden will look pretty all summer long. 

Thank you for stopping by My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

Wishing each of you a beautiful day,

Sandra

Shrinking and Expanding

Outwardly my world (and probably yours too) has shrunk, I have less freedom and limited interactions, my days are spent at home.  What could feel like the constraint of a too small itchy wool sweater, actually feels snug and comforting, like the swaddling of a baby, safe, snug and cocooned.  While the outer parameters of my life shrink, inwardly I have time to stretch, to breathe.  I have spaces in the margins of my days.  

Prayer shawl in progress

This is no small joy.  With time to meditate regularly, to pray more deeply and to improve my yoga practice, my inner world is expanding.  There is no fixed schedule, no rushing.  Our meals are all home cooked, we've made our own bread and homemade ice cream.  We expanded a small garden for vegetables and have sewn some masks for our family members.  We have story time after breakfast most days and sometimes we nap after lunch.  There is time for ourselves for sitting and thinking and there is time for one another for listening and sharing ideas.  Last night my granddaughter taught me some dance moves and I showed her how to do the Twist to Chubby Checkers' hit song.  There is time to laugh.

One day the quarantine will end, schedules will fire up and restrictions will be watered down.  My daughter and her children will return to school, I will return to work, I will finally be able to see my daughter who lives in another province, it will be a time of rejoicing.  Those on the front lines will finally have the rest and freedom that they deserve.  May I never take for granted everything they have done to keep us safe.

Eventually the quarantine will be a memory woven into the fabric of our lives.  Do I want it to be over? Absolutely, but until then I believe there are many gifts to be discovered, unwrapped and appreciated right now that would never have been possible without these current circumstances.

Thank you for stopping in at My Turquoise Kettle Life today.

May your day be filled with beautiful gifts,

Sandra